Reminiscence
by Ephemeral Lunatic
Summary: Kate wants to be more. She wants to spend time with her dad and revive old father-daughter traditions. That was the plan anyway, until he ends up in the hospital two days before Christmas. Lucky for her, Castle is always by her side in times of need. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

><p>"A bad feeling?" Castle asks, as he hands over Kate's usual morning ritual—a grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla and bearclaw—then holds the yellow crime scene tape up for her to duck under, following closely after her.<p>

"Thanks," she says as she grabs her coffee, nods her head once appreciatively before continuing her explanation. "Yeah, I don't know. I just woke up with the chills and everything. Like something was just..._off_. I mean, it's hours later and my hands are _still _shaking a little bit. I really don't feel cold at all."

He had noticed when she stepped out of the Crown Vic upon arriving on the scene (he beat her there by seven minutes, boasting that it was thanks to the Ferrari) that she was fussing with her leather gloves and shaking out her hands as she approached him. Upon asking if she was cold, she shook her head, and to his surprise, made the confession about some ominous feeling she had as she woke up to answer the phone call alerting her to the murder victim they were currently on their way to meet.

The weather forecast in the newspaper had said that New York City was expecting a high of 50°F today and a slim chance of rain, but so far it was just humid and overcast, befitting of a late December morning. Kate was relatively bundled up for the cold weather, wearing a thick, red, double-breasted coat, so shivering from any chilly breeze seemed rather out of place to both her and Castle.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he inquires further, his brow furrowed; a visible tell of his concern that doesn't go unnoticed by his partner.

"Honestly?" she starts, then sips her coffee, taking a moment to relish in the warmth as it cascades down her throat. "If it was, I don't remember a thing."

"Weird."

"Tell me about it," she says, then directs her attention to Ryan and Esposito. "Morning boys, what have we got?"

* * *

><p>It was always difficult for them to work on murder cases so close to Christmas. The victims are always someone's child, maybe even a spouse or lover. They have friends, families, and people they've left behind in the world. Regardless of social labels, class in society or what have you, a murder victim is a loved one to somebody out there, and now they're gone, never to return.<p>

Kate knows all too well how it feels to lose someone, be they family or friend. She knows how it feels to be the one left behind, missing that presence every day, feeling as though you took the time you had with them for granted and feeling the agony of knowing that all you have left is the memories, and if you're lucky, special mementos.

Breaking that harsh, cruel reality to the next of kin was certain to ruin the holiday for one unlucky family; two, should they catch their suspect and alleged murderer and have to inform his or her family of what they had done.

No, murders around Christmas were never easy. Not by any means. They tug at the heart strings without fail, no matter how hard the detectives may try to push the emotions back and remain detached from the case. But working as a team and banding together lessens the dreadful thoughts that are sure to invade their minds throughout the day. By having each other's backs, they could stay safe, sane, and return home to their own families for the holiday.

Or at least, that's what the plan was.

* * *

><p>"So, off to your dad's tomorrow?" Castle asks as they return to Kate's desk to gather their belongings.<p>

Kate sent the boys home an hour earlier since they hit a roadblock in their current case. She had put in a request for a search warrant for their prime suspect's parents' home, the place they assumed he probably fled to after the murder of his girlfriend, but Judge Markway was already on his Christmas vacation and that meant that they'd be delayed in getting the warrant issued by at least another day.

She and Castle opted to do some additional canvassing of the vic's neighborhood to ask if anyone had seen the man around, just to be thorough, before returning to the precinct.

"Yeah," Kate replies, shrugging on her coat. "I'm gonna pack my things when I get home, probably head out early tomorrow morning before it snows."

"His cabin get a lot of snow in winter?"

She hums in response, nodding her head. "Little bit. Nothing excessive, but it's always a white Christmas up there."

"Sounds nice."

"What will you be up to this Christmas, Castle?"

"Honestly? I have no clue."

"What?" she says incredulously, and he shrugs his shoulders. "Really? No fancy parties or classic Christmas movies? Surely you guys have some sort of Christmas traditions. I can't imagine you not."

"Oh, we do. It's just that Mother has been so busy getting her school set up and—yes, I know that look, let me finish—" Kate had raised her eyebrows at the mention of Martha being busy, clearly confused as to why his mother being out of the house would be such a bad thing in his eyes. She laughs and he continues. "That part hasn't bothered me so much."

Kate smiles and shakes her head at him when he flashes her that grin that she reads as, _Yes, I love my Mother but I love that she's out of my loft more often, too. _Yeah. She figured as much.

"—but Alexis has been so focused on college this month that we haven't really even talked about anything other than Christmas dinner this year, which yes, I plan to be quite the feast."

He gives her a proud grin and a wink which elicits a compressed smile from the detective.

"Anyhow, I couldn't even get her to sit down and watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' with me the other night because she was so busy going through college brochures from all the places she had toured earlier this month. After studying for her finals and finishing the school semester out, that's the only thing that she's had her mind on. She even rolled her eyes at me when I asked if she wanted to roast chestnuts over an open fire with me on Christmas Eve!"

When Castle plops down in his seat with a heavy sigh, a sympathetic smile graces Kate's face as she looks upon him.

His little girl is all grown up now. She'll be a legal adult before they know it. Which makes him...old enough to have an adult, college-aged daughter that is no longer interested in childhood father-daughter Christmas traditions that her child-like father is so desperately clinging onto.

Poor Castle.

She can't help but wonder if her own father felt the same way as she got older and turned down his offer at spending time together taking part in old Christmas traditions, too.

After her mother died, Christmas every year was never the same. It had lost the light and cheer it once held for her little family that was now even smaller in her absence. Sometimes she didn't even see her father on Christmas. She worked through the holiday like it was just another ordinary day. Celebrating it and being happy and cheerful just didn't seem right, not with her mother's case still cold.

But not this year.

She decided over a month ago to start letting go of the past. Letting go of her mother's murder.

Kate wants to be more than who she's become since her mother's death. She wants to live her life to the fullest again.

So this Christmas, she's spending a whole three days with her dad at his cabin, and she plans to spend every moment of it reviving old traditions that haven't been taken part in for well over a decade.

Deciding she's in no real rush to head home and pack, especially with Castle sitting before her looking like a dejected puppy due to his daughter, while she herself is anxiously anticipating spending Christmas with her own father, she takes a seat in her chair and swivels to face him, elbows on the desk with her chin propped up in her hands.

"What did you do with her when she was little?" she asks softly.

Instantly he perks up at the question, and the sight makes something flutter in her chest. Good. A happy Castle is a much better sight.

"When Alexis was around, oh, eight or nine, we started playing something of a murder mystery game—without the murder, of course—with Mother's theater friends she'd have over for Christmas parties. Everyone would wear a pair of antlers on their head and Alexis had to figure out whodunit. We dubbed it 'Grams got run over by a reindeer.' "

"You did not," Kate says skeptically, though the corners of her mouth soon lift to reveal a bright smile. "Oh, who am I kidding, this is _you _we're talking about. Of course you did."

"We did indeed. Alexis loved it. And Mother was thrilled to play the part every year, flailing around in makeshift agony and pointing her finger at all sorts of people in the room for Alexis to go interrogate," he grins.

"I bet."

Kate could see it now: Intelligent little Alexis diligently investigating the crime, Martha all decked out in a lavish gown making wild accusations to party guests while Castle and said guests play along in amusement with their little antlers poking up from their heads.

He's such a good father. A major goofball, but a good father all the same.

"I miss those days," he admits, letting out another sigh.

Kate remains quiet, content to just sit and watch him twiddle his thumbs, stare at a spot on the floor with a slight smile on his face while consumed with thoughts that she assumes are probably of past Christmas festivities with a much younger Alexis. Occasionally his lips quirk into a smile at a memory and Kate finds herself smiling right along with him.

After a short moment, the sharp noise of her cell phone ringing snaps the two of them out of their reverie. Castle glances down at his watch and stands as Kate shuffles through her coat pocket for her iPhone.

"Your dad?" he asks, once she has the phone in her hand and checks over the caller ID.

"No. Same area code but I don't recognize the number. Huh."

Castle quirks his brow curiously. It's not like she's never had numbers call her before that she didn't recognize. That happens all the time. No big deal.

"Beckett," she answers, then waits a beat, "Yes, this is she."

Castle studies her as she falls silent, listening carefully to the voice on the other end of the line. He watches intently as her facial expression drops from one of piqued curiosity to downright horror.

"Where is he now? Where are they taking him?" she asks urgently, casting a haunted look in Castle's direction for a fleeting moment before grabbing a pen and jotting something down on a piece of paper.

She almost looks faint, and if it weren't for the make-up, he suspects her skin would probably look a ghostly shade of white right about now.

What the hell is going on?

"Beckett?" he calls to her, taking a step towards her, his knee just about brushing hers as she sits in her chair. She holds her free hand up to wave him off and shush him and he can see her fingers and the pen she's holding between them quivering.

"Y-yes, I-I've got it," she stammers, her voice wavering, "I'm on my way right now. Please call me if there's anything. Anything at all. Thank you."

As soon as she ends the call, she stuffs the phone into her pocket, grabs for her bag and throws it on the desk. She tears into it and starts desperately searching for something inside of it.

"Kate," he tries again, his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of what could possibly have just been said to his partner that has her so unnerved.

Her hand stops searching the bag after coming across something that jingles, and Castle sees her lift her bike keys out of it. Her hand is trembling even worse than before now.

Without even thinking, he reaches out to grab her wrist, clenching firmly around it. The sensation brings her eyes and full attention up to his face and his heart breaks when he sees the unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

"My dad," she cries, her voice broken and scared, lips quivering as the words come out.

Wasting no time at all, Castle slings her bag over his shoulder, snags the keys out of her hand and starts heading for the elevator.

"Let's go," he tells her. "I'll take you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

><p>The two hour drive upstate was a relatively quiet one for the most part.<p>

Kate didn't protest at all when Castle offered to drive, much to his initial surprise. Once inside his car, she handed over the paper she had scribbled the hospital name and address on while at the precinct, he punched it into the portable GPS and off they went.

He only asked for the bare minimum of details. After all, she only knew so much herself with such a brief phone call. That was probably what terrified her the most, he figured. Being so far away from her dad and not knowing. Being left in the dark while she sat anxiously in a car for two hours.

Not being in control of her father's fate.

Seeing the fragile state she was already in, he didn't want to upset her further by getting her talking a lot, making her think too much, or having her mind start to wander. His own thought processes were already doing enough of that for the both of them; spinning wild theories about what happened and imagining what could be wrong with him.

Nothing he would dream of sharing out loud with her.

"She said he fell off the roof," Kate told him with a fragile voice. Her face was buried in her hands as she spoke and he could tell she was trying so hard to retain her composure. To not cry.

In her left hand, she was clutching onto her phone tightly, as if just waiting for it to start ringing and bring her bad news. Worse news.

There was no way she could have safely driven herself. Not like this.

That's probably why she didn't fight him on it when he said he'd drive. She knew she was in no condition to drive herself, too.

"A few of the neighbor kids saw it happen. They called their parents over there, who said they called 911 immediately afterward. He hit his head but she didn't go into detail on it since she didn't have anything specific for me. He was still unconscious when EMS got there."

"Concussion, maybe?"

"I don't know. She didn't say one way or another. Said the doctors would assess him when he arrived."

Jim Beckett was en route to the hospital when she got the call. He probably fell off the cabin roof just as they were making their way back to the 12th after their canvassing.

"What the hell was he doing up there on the roof?" she says suddenly, angrily, finally bringing her hands away from her face. "He knows better than to do stuff like that when he's all by himself, especially at his age!"

"Maybe there was a leak he was trying to fix before you got there?" Castle offers, though he's pretty sure that nothing he said was going to give her any sense of relief in the least bit. "Did he mention anything the last time you talked to him?"

"No, he didn't say anything about a leak. Or anything similar, for that matter. All he said was that he was excited for me to come up there, and mentioned that he had something he wanted to show me that we hadn't had around since I was a kid."

Her face then takes on an intense frown before she continues on, voice laced with frustration.

"He knew I was driving up tomorrow! If there was something wrong, it could have waited another day so I could help him. Hell, less than a day. I would've been there by nine or ten in the morning!"

"Kate."

"It doesn't make any sense. God, Castle. What the hell."

He watches through the corner of his eye as Kate turns to the passenger side window, hiding her face away from him. Or so she thinks. He can still see her through the side mirror when he takes a glance over at her.

She's brought her right hand up to her mouth with a tightly curled fist, chewing at her thumbnail as she tries to squint her eyes and blink away the tears that threaten to fall. She sniffles almost inaudibly, and that's how he can tell how close she is to breaking.

"It's Christmas. We were supposed to be spending Christmas together. The first time in years doing all the things we used to do before—" Her voice breaks and her expression crumbles before she can say the words aloud.

Even without the words being spoken, Castle knows where the train of thought was headed. He winces.

_Before Mom was killed_.

"He's all I have left, Castle. He's all I have left and I—"

He can't take it anymore, seeing her like this.

Wordlessly, he extends his right hand over to her, seeking out her left from it's resting spot upon her denim-clad thigh and he grasps it, giving a light squeeze. He turns to face her when he sees in his peripheral vision that she's turned in his direction. She's staring back at him with glistening eyes beneath the unruly curls that have fallen around her face.

She'd only had the top pulled up today in somewhat of a half ponytail, but once inside the car, she'd gathered it all together, yanked it up into a messy bun. Like the feeling of having it down around her face was suffocating. She didn't care about fixing it when a few stray curls in the front went rogue and fell upon her cheeks a short while later.

Kate looks down at his hand on hers for a moment, regarding it, before letting go of her phone, lacing her fingers with his and tugging his hand and forearm close to her body, just above her waistline. She then brings down her other arm, wrapping it across their intertwined hands, the fingers of her right hand curling around his forearm, holding him there. Keeping him close.

With one last glance at him, which he returns in kind with a smile, she leans her head back into the window at her right and stares out at the road ahead.

It hits him then that she's hugging his arm since she can't hug the rest of him for comfort right now.

And he's thrilled at that. He wishes the circumstances were different, that she wasn't in such pain and anxiety over her father, but he's glad she's leaning on him.

"It'll be okay, Kate," he tells her, eyes looking straight ahead, thumb brushing along the hand held in his. She tightens her grip slightly, but says nothing.

And that's fine. He'll be her rock. Whatever she needs.

For the remainder of the trip up north, they sit in silence, Kate clutching his arm, their two hands linked together.

Sometimes words just aren't necessary. Especially for the two of them.

* * *

><p>Castle forfeits a couple free parking places he passes by to other hospital patrons who are also just arriving in favor of pulling up right to the Emergency Room entrance so that Kate can get out. She gives him an appreciative look and tug on the hand before bolting out the door, making a mad dash inside the lobby.<p>

She didn't ask him to let her out alone. He just noticed the significant change in her demeanor once they got off the highway and she could see the hospital in the distance. She was restless, and he didn't want her to wait even a minute longer.

Her phone hadn't rung a single time the whole trip, and he wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Proceeding further into the parking lot, he holds out hope that he'll be able to find a parking spot quickly enough so that he can rejoin her inside.

The hospital is packed, as he expected it would be. It's just after 6:30pm on the night of December 23rd. Everyone with a cough, cold or what-have-you is hoping to get the ER trip in and out of the way before Christmas, as is typical around this time of year and holidays in general.

It ends up taking him another two complete circles around the lot and a collective ten minutes before he finally finds a place he can park...legally.

Yes, he briefly entertained the idea of leaving his Ferrai parked at a red curb or hell, even between two trees on a patch of grass in the middle of the lot, but upon further reflection, he didn't like the idea of some random tow-truck driver banging up his precious car when it would be inevitably towed away.

Once he makes it inside the building, he finds that it's standing-room only. All the seats in the waiting room are taken. It's mostly women with young children, with a few men and elderly couples thrown into the mix. It takes him all but five seconds to spot Kate amongst the crowd, huddled up against a far wall beside a vending machine, looking as anxious as ever.

Maybe he should have taken the grassy patch, after all.

She doesn't even notice him walking toward her until he's halfway across the room, weaving in and out of the traffic of people, and when their eyes meet, he sees the relief wash over her. The reassurance that she isn't by herself and doesn't have to go through this alone.

He's here for her.

"Sorry it took me so long," he apologizes, debating whether he should try to touch her, console her in some way. "You okay?"

The debate doesn't last long. Once he's within reach, Kate's arms lift up and curl around his sides, just beneath his arms. Because she had been feeling so jittery this morning, she opted for wearing flats instead of heels, so as she pulls closer, the height difference has her head coming to rest along his collarbone, settling just beneath his chin.

"No," she murmurs, and he reciprocates the embrace at once, places his arms around her, hands grasping her shoulders, holding her steady as she trembles.

As much as he wants to caress her back, stroke a hand down her cheek or run his hands through her hair, he doesn't. He won't push, won't take advantage of her vulnerability because of his own wants and longing.

If she comes seeking comfort, he'll give it to her. But for now, he's going to keep his impulses in check, let her set the pace. Only let her take what she needs.

"How is he?" he asks after they finally break apart. He swings around to the side of her, coming between her and the vending machine, leans back against the wall alongside her. Their shoulders brush against each other and he can feel that she's still shivering a bit.

"He's still out of it," she says sadly, leaning her head back against the wall and looking up to the ceiling as she speaks. "They took him back for a CT scan about twenty minutes before we got here. The receptionist gave me a bunch of other medical jargon that I didn't quite comprehend before she had to run off somewhere, so I texted Lanie about it."

He tilts his head, looks at her questioningly.

"With how busy it is in here, I thought it'd be easier to get more descriptive, easy to understand answers that way if I relayed them over to her," she gives a shrug of her shoulders.

"She respond back yet?"

Kate nods.

"Said it's probably just a concussion and that they're likely looking for a skull fracture with the CT scan since he has a hematoma at the site of the injury," she points to a spot on her head, just a few inches shy of her ear and a little closer to the crown of her skull. "Then she told me to try not to worry so much. Those are actually common and usually heal well enough on their own."

"Well, that's good then, right?" he asks, turns to her with a smile.

"But why isn't he awake yet, Castle?" The wavering tone comes back to her voice. "It's been almost three hours and he's still unconscious. That can't possibly be good. What if—"

She hesitates, drops her head and swallows hard at the lump in her throat and feels queasy just thinking about her next words. Castle feels his heart sinking when he sees the pained expression slowly take form on her features.

"—what if it's worse than that? What if there's brain damage? Internal bleeding somewhere? What if there's something they're missing and—"

"Hey," he whispers softly, stepping in front of her and taking her hands in his. He dips his head down, his forehead close to hers but not quite touching, meets her eyes with his, gives her a gentle smile. "I'm the one who's supposed to think up all the crazy theories and worst-case scenarios. Not you."

She cocks her head to the side, brow furrowed, though she does raise an eyebrow at him and he can see a hint of a smile behind the lip she's taken between her teeth again.

"I guess you're rubbing off on me," she retorts, huffing out a light laugh. His grin in response is enough to make her features start to soften again. Just a little bit.

"Oh no," he says on a gasp, "This isn't good at all. We can't have two people spinning crazy theories at the 12th. It's bad enough Ryan's trying to steal my thunder on occasion. You've got to remain the voice of reason, Beckett, or we'll never get anything done. Not to mention Gates would probably shoot me for ruining her best detective."

Her lips quirk into that compressed smile he loves so much, the one that spreads across her entire face, barely capable of being contained by her. When he sees the twinkle back in her eyes, he knows he's on the right track.

"So with that firmly established, there's one other thing we both know I'm good at when it comes to theories that we can have rub off on you instead."

"Driving people crazy?" she jeers, not even missing a beat. Castle lets out a groan.

"Walked right into that one, didn't I?" Another smile from the detective. "Other than that."

Kate studies him a moment, sees the gentle, hopeful look on his face as he watches her, and then it hits her.

Of course.

"Silver linings."

"That's right," he confirms. "And I've got one for you. Ready for it?"

She nods. Is she ever.

"Remember in Hell Hath No Fury, how Adam's son falls and hits his head while they're fleeing from the angry Wiccan fanatics trying to kill them?"

Kate lifts an eyebrow, narrowing her eyes at him. Of course she remembers. That was one of the first books of his that she had ever read after she became a fan of his writing. A more obscure title compared to the rest of his works, but she made a point to read everything he's written. Comes with the territory when you regard an author as one of your favorites.

"That's fiction, Castle. A crazy story crafted out of your own head."

"But based upon factual research!" he asserts with a sense of pride. "I had the doctors tell Adam that there was nothing to worry about, as long as he wasn't unconscious for more than six hours—"

"—because a loss of consciousness for less than six hours is usually an indication that the injury is limited to a concussion, while over six hours marks the risk of brain tissue damage," she recites.

"You really _are _a hardcore Castle groupie, aren't you, Katherine Beckett? Almost word for word, right off the page. I'm flattered," he teases, squeezing her hands and elbow nudging her gently.

"Shut up," she mutters, shoving his hands back playfully into his chest, unable to contain the open-mouthed smile that graces her face.

Castle lets out a laugh and braces himself for the impact, which still pushes him backward a few paces. Kate tries to jostle her hands away from his and nearly succeeds before he captures her wrists and holds on tight.

He gazes upon her with an affectionate smile, her arms outstretched to him and hands in his custody, and Kate can't help but think of how grateful she is to have him in her life. To have him here right now. Even with all his theories, boyish antics and the fact that he drives her crazy sometimes, she still adores him.

And judging by the look he's giving her as he gives her wrists a tug, beckoning her toward him, she knows the feeling is mutual.

He loves her. He loves her, and she wants to be more. More, so that she can be the person she wants to be.

The person that can love him back with all of her heart.

When she doesn't hesitate and steps forward, closing the gap between them, she realizes she's making damn good progress these days on that effort.

"It's only been three hours, Kate," Castle murmurs, holding her close as she nestles back into his chest for an embrace.

"Only three hours," she repeats, nodding her head once.

"Miss Beckett?" a deep voice resounds from across the room. "Is there a Katherine Beckett here?"

Kate startles and pulls back from Castle to search out the source of the voice calling her name. When he speaks again, she spots him: he's a thin, bald man, somewhere close to Castle's height but probably in his late fifties. He's wearing scrubs that are a dark shade of blue, and is standing by the door next to the reception desk holding a clipboard in his hands.

A doctor with an update?

"Yes? Right here. I'm right here," Kate replies, and then she steps away from Castle and starts making her way across the room. When Castle stays behind and doesn't follow after her, she turns her head back to him, giving him a look—_Aren't you coming?_

He stares at her blankly. Blinks.

She stands there, waiting, still watching him.

Oh. _Me, too?_

He rolls forward from the wall and jogs over to rejoin her. They walk side-by-side together to the reception desk and over to the man who introduces himself with a handshake when they approach.

"Hello, Miss Beckett. I'm Dr. Curtiss. I'm the physician overseeing your father's care here at St. Mary's."


	3. Chapter 3

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

><p>Dr. Jacob Curtiss, his hospital badge reads.<p>

Castle can't help that his first impression of the man is that he reminds him of Josh. An older, bald Josh—a thought that makes him inwardly chuckle—but Josh none-the-less.

It must be the strong, firm grip the doctor has when he shakes his hand, and how he carries himself. Confident, poised. He's tall, too.

Castle begins to wonder exactly what sort of doctor this guy is.

He hopes he's not a surgeon. For the sake of not reminding him even more of Josh, and for the sake of both Becketts involved in this. If Jim doesn't need surgery, it will be a huge relief and positive sign to Kate.

But seriously, why is he even thinking of Josh in a time like this?

Oh, right.

The last time he was inside a hospital, so was Josh. And so were Jim and Kate. Only Kate was...

This is different though. Kate's shaken up, but she's unharmed. She's walking beside him, hanging in there. She's strong, but he can help her through everything this time around when she needs him.

It's not three months of silence. She's letting him help this time. She wants him to.

Dr. Curtiss isn't a very talkative man, they come to find, as they're quietly led down a corridor and to an office that Castle can see the contents of through the open blinds in the window that faces the hallway.

There's a Sparkletts water cooler next to a table nearest the window. Upon the table is a coffee maker, some recycle-able cups, napkins and the remnants of a box that probably contained donuts or some sort of pastries at some point during the day. The far end of the room contains a desk with all the standard office equipment; computer, printer, stacks of paperwork and a container full of ink pens. Three chairs surround the desk, one behind it, two in front of it.

The doctor opens the door and ushers the two of them inside ahead of him before stepping in himself.

"Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything? Water, coffee?"

Kate becomes incredibly nervous again once inside the confined space. She fidgets uncomfortably in front of the desk and seeks out Castle's eyes with her own as he stands before her. He takes the look as her deferring the question to him and he shakes his head, pulling the left chair out for her to sit before moving to take the seat beside her.

"No, thank you," Kate replies as she sits. "Nothing sounds appealing in the least bit right now."

She feels Castle's knee brush against hers after she speaks. A subtle gesture of support, but enough of one to elicit a quick glance and thankful smile from her.

"Yes, of course. I understand. Let's get right to it, then," Dr. Curtiss glances down at his clipboard which he's set down on the desk in front of him and begins skimming through it with his index finger trailing along words and sections.

"I have you down as Mr. Beckett's daughter, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"And you're the next of kin? There's no...?"

"Yes. My um, my mother...passed away. 13 years ago. And other than Dad, it's just me."

Not even five minutes into the conversation and Dr. Curtiss has already managed to make Kate bring up her mother, and once again come to terms with the fact that she's the only one left should something happen to her hospitalized father.

Yup. Castle doesn't like this Josh-esque doctor. Dr. Bald Boy? Bald Guy? Whatever.

Not impressed. Not at all.

As Dr. Curtiss shuffles through some paperwork that he's preparing to hand to Kate to sign, Kate notices Castle shifting around uncomfortably.

"Castle?" she whispers curiously and his eyes dart to hers.

Damn. He needs to calm down, not be so reactive. Kate's fine. She's not freaking out.

Yet.

All the more reason to stay calm. It's really the predicament more than the individual causing this added weight to the situation, anyway. Can't blame the doctor. It's not like he has all the Beckett's back story on his papers.

"All right, these are just forms we need you to sign so that should any emergencies arise during his stay and Mr. Beckett is unable to give his consent to treatment, you as his daughter and next of kin will be in charge of where we go from there."

Kate stares at the papers in front of her like a deer caught in head lights. Wait, what?

"Unless, of course, you're aware of any living will or advance directives that he may have?"

"It's...he's that bad? My dad and the CT..." Kate stammers.

"No, no. Don't worry, this is just standard procedure and hospital policy since he's yet to regain consciousness. Once he's awake—" the doctor replies and Kate heaves a tremendous sigh of relief.

"So he _will _wake up? He's going to be fine?" Kate asks suddenly, leaning forward in her seat, palms pressed to the desk. "He's not in any danger?"

Perhaps 'interrogates' would be a more accurate description of her behavior. She's more demanding of answers than politely asking for them.

Not that Castle blames her. Nor is he complaining. He's much more relieved to see her reclaiming control than standing by helplessly.

Have at him, Kate.

"Did my nurse not contact you? I sent her out to make the call at least an hour ago."

Kate instantly looks furious. All that time spent in the car clutching at her cell phone that never rang.

That _should _have rang.

"No, we haven't heard anything yet," Castle chimes in, settling a hand on Kate's knee, hoping it might help smother the flames threatening to shoot out of her. "We only arrived around twenty-five minutes ago from New York City. He was in transit to the hospital when Kate got the call while we were at work."

"The receptionist really wasn't at liberty to say anything other than that you took him in for a CT scan," Kate finishes. She's irritated, clearly, but she's putting a lid on the fury. For now.

All Castle can think of is that this nurse, whoever she is, better hope she's off shift sometime in the next few minutes. Before Kate starts hunting and gets a hold of her.

"I'm terribly sorry. With how busy we are in the ER around this season it gets rather hectic...No, your father is just fine, Miss Beckett. As you know, he did sustain a head injury but I'm confident that he'll recover just fine. As is routine with patients of his age and when a person comes into our hospital unconscious, we sent him back to imaging to check for any damage. He's very fortunate.

"The CT came up clean, x-rays show that there's no internal bleeding or injuries. He did have a dislocated shoulder and mild wrist sprain when he likely tried to break his fall, but other than that, we're mostly just looking at a concussion. The snow definitely helped to cushion the impact and minimize damage. I'm confident he'll come out of it within the next hour or so."

The entire time the doctor is speaking, Kate's right hand has a death grip on the hand Castle placed on her knee moments earlier.

When he stops speaking, she turns to him and gives him the most beautiful smile he's ever seen in his life. The doctor's words are music to her ears.

"Can I see him?" she rejoices, looking to the doctor expectantly.

"Yes, of course. We've got him in a room right now. Part of this paper work includes his admission forms. We'll be holding him at least overnight for observation. Once he wakes up and tells us how he's feeling, we'll go from there, see if we can get him home to you two by Christmas."

And there's the smile again. That radiating smile, far outshining even the brightest of fluorescent bulbs lighting the inside of the building.

"I'll sign whatever you need," Kate says, hand releasing Castle and reaching across the desk for a pen. "Just please take care of my dad."

* * *

><p>When Dr. Curtiss leads them up to Jim's room, Castle expects to walk back out to the waiting room while she goes in. To give her her privacy with her father.<p>

Kate has other ideas, though.

Once at the doorway, she grabs his hand, takes a deep breath, exhales, and then steps inside, tugging him along with her.

Jim is sleeping peacefully. He's got a knot on his head the size of a golf ball and his wrist is bandaged up, but otherwise he looks good.

Once Kate sees him, her hand releases from Castle and she darts to her father's bedside.

There's only one chair in the room and Kate doesn't even seem to notice it. All eyes are on Jim. She sits beside him on the bed, runs a hand down his cheek and then kisses his forehead after whispering something to him that Castle can't quite make out. Then she takes his uninjured hand in both of hers.

"I was worried before, you know," she says after a moment, and Castle at first thinks she's speaking to him until she continues on, a bit of amusement in her voice.

"I know why you're still asleep," she tells Jim, rubbing her hand over his. "You know the hell that's about to rain down on you for scaring me. Believe me, Dad. It's coming. Whether you like it or not. You can't hide from me forever."

Castle stands towards the back of the room, leaning against the wall. He's watching her, smiling.

"Like mother, like daughter, right?" she adds with a laugh. "But like you reminded me before, of Johanna's Immutable Law of the Universe: If I can handle you scaring the hell out of me, you can handle the hell I'm going to give you for screwing around on the roof.

"And if you're wondering about what I'm going to say to you when you wake up, just ask Castle. He'll tell you. He's been on the receiving end plenty of times the past few years for doing stupid things and getting himself into trouble."

Kate turns her head to face him and Castle sees her smirking.

"As a guy who's been in your shoes on more than one occasion, you have my empathy, sir. Good luck."

Kate lets out a laugh and shakes her head at him before turning back to her father. She leans down to him, close to his ear.

Her voice is low, gentle, when she speaks again.

"I promise I'll go easy on you if you wake up for me now, Daddy."

Castle feels his heart wrench in his chest. As a father with a daughter of his own, he can't help but imagine how Alexis would be if faced with a similar situation.

He'd texted her before they left the precinct with a cliff notes version of what happened and told her that he didn't know if he'd be home tonight. In a way, he wishes he were home, just so he could hug his little girl and tell her how much he loves her, cherishes her.

He hopes with all his being that a day like this never comes along for Alexis.

Kate lets out a sigh, plants a quick peck on Jim's cheek and pulls back from him again.

"God, I just wish he'd open his eyes already."

"Either that fall really took it out on him, or he's really afraid to face your wrath," Castle quips.

"As he should be," she affirms, arching her brow as she gives Castle another sly grin. "You would know."

"I do indeed."

"Dad's always been accident prone. My mom was always getting after him whenever he'd try to fix something in the house. It would either end up worse than before, or he'd be mildly injured in some way."

"A handy man, he's not?" Castle surmises, and Kate nods her head.

"Not at all."

She glances back at her father for a moment, laughs to herself and then turns back to Castle with an amused look on her face.

"You know, there was this one time we went out to a Christmas tree farm. I think I was around twelve at the time. My mom and I must have spent two hours looking around trying to find the perfect tree to take home. We finally pick out this beautiful, seven foot fir and Dad hitches it to the roof of the car. You know what happens to our beautiful tree on the ride home?"

"Oh no."

"The ropes are too loose or come undone, I don't quite remember which, and the next thing we know, it's sliding off the roof and onto the trunk of the car. Mom starts freaking out, my Dad starts swerving the car to try and balance it there and keep it from falling off before he can pull of the road, and then I look and there's this huge semi-truck on the highway behind us."

Castle bursts into laughter right along with her.

"Not the proudest moment of my life, Katie." comes a gravelly voice from beside Kate. She whirls around and Castle nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Dad!" she exclaims, carefully throwing her arms around him for a tight hug. "How long have you been awake for?"

"Long enough to hear you explain to your friend Rick here how much of a klutz I am and then divulge the worst Christmas story ever. But I'm glad I could be of some amusement at my own expense tonight, given the circumstances."

"How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

"About as much as a man who...actually, I don't know how to finish that sentence. I can't remember what I did."

"Apparently you fell off the roof of the cabin."

"I did?"

"Yeah. And we're going to have a long talk about that soon enough."

Jim groans and Castle presses his lips together hard to keep from smiling.

It's so entertaining to watch someone else on the other end of Kate's protective fury for a change.

"Right now, I'm just so glad you're okay," she sighs, leaning down to hug him again.

"Sorry to have worried you, Katie," Jim whispers. "But—and I hate to say it—I think we're even now."

The room falls silent then, as the elder man's words sink in. Judging by how Kate says nothing in response, and simply nods into her father's shoulder, Castle is pretty certain he knows exactly what Jim meant by that statement.

Not to mention how both father and daughter must have felt when faced with the other in a hospital bed.

He never wants to experience that ever again, either.

* * *

><p>It's just after 9:30pm when the nurse (who is not the one who neglected to call Kate, as they come to find out after the detective gives her the third degree) comes in to tell them that visiting hours have long been over and she regretfully needs them to take their leave.<p>

For the past two hours, the three have been swapping stories, mostly work-related, though Castle does manage to get Jim to disclose some rather juicy Christmastime Kate details, specifically pertaining to her childhood. He even goes so far as to reveal the location in the cabin of a very special Christmas photo album where Castle can find the captured memories.

When Castle gets giddy and proclaims he's going to head straight for it once they get there, Kate threatens to shoot him (Castle, that is), and Jim lets out a hearty laugh before insisting Castle go for it anyways.

Kate excuses herself to step into the bathroom inside Jim's room before they head out. It's at least a twenty minute drive to her father's cabin from the hospital and she's not quite sure Castle's GPS is going to help him much in the dark of the night and the awkward mountain roads. Him getting them lost while she has a full bladder is not something she's willing to risk tonight.

Once the two men are alone, Castle anticipates some awkward silence between he and Kate's father. They haven't seen or spoken to one another since the day Kate was shot, and he's entirely unsure of what to say to him, especially given how miserably he failed at pulling her off the case and protecting her back then.

"Thank you, Rick."

Castle's eyes lift from the spot he was staring at on the floor and over to the man addressing him with a voice just above a whisper.

"For what?" he replies, genuinely confused.

"Bringing her up here. Staying with her through all of this. She must have been worried sick."

"It was the least I could do," Castle offers, opting not to disclose just how worried she was.

He'll leave that to Kate, for when she inevitably lectures him later.

"Well I'm grateful she had you here tonight. I appreciate you taking care of her."

"We're partners. Having each other's backs is what we do." It seems like the safest answer to give, reiterating Kate's words she'd previously given to him months ago.

"You know, I never got the chance to thank you before, either," Jim speaks quickly, having heard the toilet flush and now the faucet run. "She told me you tried to stop her."

Castle sighs. "A lot of good it did."

"She's like her mother in many ways. Fearless. Won't back down. I should never have put that burden on your shoulders," Jim laments. "I apologize for that."

"No need to apologize. She's safe. Alive. That's all that matters to me now."

Jim doesn't seem satisfied with the answer, but he doesn't push it either. Castle means every word, though.

"For what it's worth, I don't think either one of us will have to worry about stopping her again."

"Stop me from what?" Kate asks as she steps out of the bathroom. Her hair is down again, the luscious curls framing around her face.

"From verbally assaulting anymore nurses," Castle sneers, and Kate's cheeks instantaneously take on a few shades of red.


	4. Chapter 4

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

><p>Kate thoroughly enjoys the ride back to the cabin, if only for the fact that she gets to be the co-pilot for a change, amusedly barking out directions and telling a flustered Castle how to drive in the presently falling snow on the winding roads leading up the hill to where her father's cabin is located.<p>

She's still a bit tense and her anxiety level is still coming down, but with her dad awake and even joking around before they left him for the night, she feels lighter now. He's a little banged up, but going to be all right, and that in itself is a huge weight off of her shoulders.

It's a scenic drive, or rather, would be, were they not driving in almost pitch black darkness. Very few light poles were found in this neck of the woods, which was part of the reason why she worried about Castle driving up there. It was hard to tell where the crossroads were in low lighting and definitely easy to get lost if you didn't know the area.

She could have offered to drive, sure. She knew the roads like the back of her own hand after so many years spent coming here. She was certainly capable of driving now. Besides, it's not like she'd never driven his Ferrari before. And boy had she driven it. Kate Beckett could handle herself quite well in his little sports car.

But Castle was quite intent on taking care of her tonight—and had taken _very _good care of her so far this evening—hence she was inclined to let him continue doing so.

They'd had that quarrel weeks ago while handcuffed together about taking the lead and she was finding that it wasn't so bad letting Castle take point on things. Especially these sort of things.

Arguing about who gets to walk through a door first was silly, really, and yet still so them. But allowing him to drive her upstate, to hold her while she was scared and comfort her during the hours of uncertainty—this was proof of how far they've come in this partnership of theirs. How much trust was between them and how strong the bond they'd forged over the years had become.

It was proof of progress. Even though the pacing was slow, they were overcoming those barriers between them one step at a time.

Letting him drive did come with it's consequences, of course. To be fair, she expected it from the get-go and was still content to sit back in the passenger seat and see what would happen. Castle had taken a wrong turn three times so far, and the last time she suspected was on purpose just to try and get her going. To rile her up, get a reaction. His attempt to make things normal, more at ease.

Well...normal and at ease for them, at least. Bickering and bantering was their thing. Falling back into it was a sign that things were okay again.

That Kate was okay again. And that's what Castle wanted more than anything right now, for her to be okay.

He smiles mischievously at her when he says, "Oops. I think we're lost again".

She raises her eyebrow at him, but opts to play along and grill him about anyway.

"No, _you're_ the one who's lost," she corrects with feigned annoyance in her voice, then taps her fingernail on the GPS screen. "You've got a GPS telling you where to go. Pay attention, Castle."

"I _was _paying attention," he says defensively. "To you."

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head a little but the smile is still there, as much as she tries to suppress it. Castle finds it refreshing to see it all back again after everything that happened hours ago. She's not a nervous wreck clinging desperately to his arm now. She's not completely relaxed, either, but she _is _enjoying herself. He's being a little childish, but he's not pushing it too far. She's still amused by him, and she seems to like the role reversal in the car. For now.

"I've been telling you where to go, too. You're just paying attention to the wrong part of me," she chides, her lip curling up as she says it. Castle smirks.

"You know, since you're having so much fun being the passenger, does this mean you're going to let me drive when we get back home?" he asks her, nudging his elbow across the center console to jab her lightly in the upper arm a couple times.

"Ha. In your dreams, Castle."

"Actually," he starts, the mischievous tone back in full effect. "In my dreams, you usually make it extremely difficult for me to stay focused on driving or anything else for that matter. Really hard to keep the car on the road with all the—"

"Castle!" She hisses, her eyes open wide as she shoots him a look. He just grins happily at her, pleased with himself for that one.

Well, she _did _practically give him permission to fantasize about her a few weeks ago.

...and she may have mentioned something about not minding being handcuffed to him again.

"Eyes on the road, Castle," she mutters, narrowing her eyes at him and countering his elbow with her own. "We're almost there."

Castle grins all the more when she faces away from him, trying to hide the pursed-lip smile and flush of her cheeks.

Such a provocative mental picture he's given her, and he knows it. The fact that it truly doesn't bother her is both terrifying and exciting at the same time to her.

It's one she really wouldn't be opposed to making a reality...at some point in their future, anyway.

* * *

><p>When they pull up the driveway and the strong beam of the Ferrari's headlights eliminates the shroud of darkness around Jim Beckett's cabin, Kate lets out a gasp. Castle presses his foot to the brake pedal, bringing the car to a gentle stop and Kate quickly unbuckles her seat belt, opens the car door and hops out. She takes a few quick steps up the driveway but stops just in front of the car, taking in the sight before her.<p>

Her mouth hangs open slightly as she looks upon her father's cabin.

There's icicle lights hanging along the edge of the roof, coupled with a multicolor string of regular outdoor lights that stretch from one end of the cabin trim to the other. Further up on the gable roof is Santa's sleigh and some light-up reindeer just off to the side of the chimney, which is also strung with lights.

Castle turns the key to cut the engine off but keeps the headlights turned on as he steps out of his door and walks up beside her to join in on the viewing. It's still snowing, but ever so lightly, and Kate doesn't even seem to care or notice at the moment. Her eyes are filled with wonder.

"Something he wanted to show me," she murmurs, her right hand coming up just in front of her mouth as she speaks. "He's been putting up our old Christmas decorations. He was trying to make it like it was before."

On Thanksgiving, Kate had spoken to her father about spending Christmas at the cabin, and told him she wanted to try enjoying old Christmas traditions again. After the session with Dr. Burke, she had resolved to try and let go, and this was one way she could think of doing so; doing things her family hadn't done since before Johanna was taken from them. Before Christmas and winter itself had become a painful reminder of their loss.

Castle takes in the scenery around them in reverence. The roof isn't the extent of the outdoor decor. There's a fire pit out front with a couple natural log benches beside it, all of which are surrounded by several different types of light-up trees and animated reindeer, the kind that move limbs or turn their heads when turned on. A dense wreath embellished with red berries and pinecones adorns the cabin door, and the railing and walkway to the covered porch have been strung with a length of multicolored lights as well. There's a cedar swing which hangs from the porch to the right of the front door, and it's outlined in lights which spiral down from the chains. It's hard to tell from a distance and the darkness of the interior, but he thinks he can make out what appears to be a large fir tree just inside the window behind the swing, too.

"Wow, Kate. He really went all out," Castle says in awe. "Is this what you had here when you were a kid?"

"Yeah," she whispers, looking up at him, a pleasant smile on her face. "Mom loved Christmas. It was her favorite holiday and time of the year. She and my dad would both take their vacations a week before it and we'd spend it up here."

"You did this every year?" he asks, still marveling at it all. Even unlit, it's quite a spectacle to the eyes. "And this from the guy who_ isn't_ a handy man?"

Kate laughs. "We helped him and did it together most of the time. I think you can guess why," she sighs. Castle just nods in response.

"Sometimes things would come up with their jobs, or someone got sick, but we were here just about every year. Mom always wanted a white Christmas away from the city. Out here, we could decorate like this, unlike how limited we were in Manhattan."

"No, definitely can't do this in Manhattan. This...this is just..._wow_."

"He did all this for me," Kate says in a hushed tone, a little somberly. "He fell and hurt himself because of—"

"Kate, it's not your fault."

She turns to look up at him at the interruption, expecting a smile or equally light-hearted gesture in her direction but his attention is still toward the house, and his countenance rather serious.

"You might be grown up now, but you'll always be his little girl. And as fathers, it's our job to make sure our little girls are always happy, no matter how old they are."

Kate studies him as he speaks, feeling the love and affection permeating from his words. She knows full-well that he would do just about anything to make Alexis happy. It's why he continually confides in her about things and seeks advice whenever he's at a loss on how to go about parenting his teenage daughter.

Jim had been the same throughout her life, though admittedly, Alexis is by far a more well-behaved and easier kid than she ever was to her parents. Her rebellious era brought along a number of heartbreaks and family scuffles now and then. But even still, Jim was always trying to make things better for his daughter who was always determined to face everything alone.

Like her stubborn refusal to allow a night light when she was a little girl, even though she was terribly afraid of the dark, and how she continued chasing after trained killers whom were responsible for her mother's death, despite the risk it posed to her own safety.

That part of her nearly got herself killed this past summer.

Three months after being shot, she was still ready to go at it again until Castle finally convinced her to stop. She can remember vividly the look of relief on Jim's face when she told him she was giving it a rest for a while, and how he hugged her tight when she told him over Thanksgiving dinner that she was trying to let it go again. That was she going to try to live her life, in spite of her mother's unsolved murder.

"We just have a habit of goofing things up sometimes in the process," Castle continues, breaking her from her thoughts. Kate smiles when he tilts his head toward her, that goofy grin that makes his eyes crinkle starting to develop as he does.

"Thank you," she says quietly, bumping her shoulder to his.

"For what?" he asks, turning toward her in a quick enough motion to cause fallen snow to come sloshing off his head. Kate takes a step back to evade it but still manages to get hit by a bit of the wetness as it tumbles from his hair. He smiles sheepishly at her, running a hand through his damp hair, mouthing "Oops".

She laughs, shakes her head and gives him a shy smile. "Being you."

"I'm always me," he says, head tilted curiously at her.

"Speaking of you," she replies playfully, "I can't believe you haven't dragged me into the house yet so we can turn all the lights on out here."

His face lights up at that. "Really? Can we go turn it all on? I really do want to see it lit up!"

Kate smiles at him, reaching her hand up to flick a snowflake off of that stray strand of hair sticking out at his forehead. He returns the smile with such child-like delight in his eyes that she feels warm even despite the snow and freezing temperatures nipping at her exposed skin.

"Sure," she says, grinning at how eager and curious he is. "But let's get warmed up and eat something first, huh? Then you can illuminate the whole block."

"The whole block?" he shouts with glee as he scurries back to shut off the headlights.

As she's walking toward the door, she can hear his quick footsteps crunching in the snow as he jogs back to rejoin her.

Kate just keeps smiling. He really is such a boy sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

><p>The first thing Kate does once they are inside is light the fireplace. The cabin has been vacant for several hours, much too long to retain heat with the freezing temperature outside and falling snow.<p>

"Oh jeez, it's got to be close to fifty degrees in here, maybe under that," Castle groans as he attempts to take his coat off and then thinks different of it. It's not even close to a comfortable temperature to be shedding any outerwear.

"Go have a seat," she instructs, pointing at the dining room table while she heads a little further in to scour the kitchen. "I'll see if I can find us something edible."

"Preferably warm and edible," Castle requests, snuggling into his coat as he sits. "Need any help?"

"No," she says softly, opening and closing cabinets, grimacing at the lack of anything appealing. Typical for her father.

"You just sit and relax. My home, you're my guest."

"Well, technically it's your dad's—"

"Castle."

"All right, all right," he concedes, holding his palms up in forfeit.

He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out his phone, checks for messages. He'd forgotten to take his cell off of silent mode when they left the hospital (Yes, he was supposed to turn it off completely, but who ever listens to those rules? Not him.) and there's a handful of texts in his inbox from Alexis that he'd missed in the past hour.

"Do you like chili?" Kate asks as she's perusing the contents of the refrigerator. She's come across a relatively fresh container chock full of her father's homemade chili con carne, probably something he conjured up in advance for her arrival. She lifts it out of the fridge and turns around to set it on the counter and sees Castle tapping away on his phone.

"Did you miss any calls?" she asks him.

"Love chili," he replies, lifting his eyes to hers briefly before going back to replying to his daughter. "Just some texts from Alexis, wondering what was going on and if your dad was okay. I'm giving her an update right now."

"You could call her, you know. If your phone doesn't have a good signal, mine usually does."

"It's okay," he replies with a gentle smile. "This is fine for now. It's getting late and she might be in bed already. I'll call her in the morning."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes that they hadn't exactly discussed him staying overnight yet. Or at all. Her dad's truck is out front, so it's not like she'd be stranded if he left, but...

With Jim in the hospital, he just doesn't feel right leaving her alone. It's not like he has plans until Christmas Day, but truthfully, he wants to stay with her regardless. Although they have been spending more time together on a casual basis outside of work in recent months, it still wasn't often enough for his liking. Or often at all.

Was it selfish of him? On some level, definitely. He wants to be here to support her, but also to take this rare opportunity of one-on-one alone time, unimpeded by family, co-workers, murderers, dead bodies, and duty that calls them out at all hours of the day or night, to try and chip away at that barrier between them. That wall she claims to have around her heart.

Lately, he's been getting the feeling that she wants that, too. Maybe it's his imagination, maybe he's reading all the signs and signals wrong, but maybe, just maybe...

"So," Kate starts, but hesitates, like she's searching for the right words. Castle watches as she covers with a stall, pulling a pot out from the cupboard next to the stove, pouring some chili out of the plastic container and into it. Then she finds her voice again.

"You're going to stay?" she asks, tentatively, "Here, I mean. Tonight."

Castle sets his phone down on the table, regards her a moment. Her eyes are completely focused on the task at hand, not him, so he can only see her profile from where he's seated just a short distance away. He can't tell from the way she asked the question whether she's content with the idea or not. It worries him a little.

"I, uh...I don't know," he replies honestly, running a hand through his still damp hair. "If you're not comfortable, I could—"

"No, no, it's fine," she says hastily, stealing a quick glance at him before turning the burner on beneath the pot. She retrieves a wooden spoon from a drawer to the left of the stove and begins stirring the contents of the pot around with it. "Like you said, it's late, and it _is _snowing and all."

"Yeah," he says softly, drawing out the word a little. It bothers him that he can't tell if she wants him here, or if the comment about it being late and snowing is actually sincere.

"I can just sleep on the floor or something," he says flatly. "I imagine you've got extra blankets around, right?"

"The floor? Don't be ridiculous," she replies incredulously, giving him a stern look that makes him shrink back in his chair.

He wasn't expecting that sort of response. It's as though she's offended that he would even think that she'd consider allowing him to sleep on a makeshift bed on the cabin floor.

"That's a sleeper sofa in the living room," she continues, pointing to the furniture in question. Castle turns to look, notices that they passed by it on the way in. He hadn't really noticed it until now.

"It's a comfortable one, too. Should be plenty big enough for you."

He gets up from his seat, walks out of the room to go investigate the sofa. Kate has to stifle a laugh when he appears to be sizing himself up to it.

"Yeah, okay. I'll sleep here then," he calls back to her. "Thanks."

Kate just hums in response. She stirs the pot a couple times before setting the spoon down and attending to the coffee maker next.

Decaf, of course. She doesn't need to be anymore wired up tonight when it's already half past ten.

* * *

><p>It's not long before Castle's curiosity gets the best of him, even with an empty stomach grumbling at him, pleading for food. With Kate still in the kitchen, quietly attending to preparing their meal, Castle begins conducting a scavenger hunt of sorts amongst the living room.<p>

"Really?" Kate calls out to him from the kitchen, the open floor plan giving her a perfect view of his every move. "You're snooping around already?"

He can tell it's more of a playful jibe than anything, much to his delight. She could have scolded him, demanded he return to his seat at the table, but no, she's just watching him, mindful of where he goes and what he looks at.

"In my defense, it's part of my inquisitive nature," he grins back at her. "A biological need. I can't really help it."

Kate chuckles to herself, gives a little shrug with both her lips and her shoulders. She won't refute that one.

The first things to catch Castle's attention are the picture frames along the wall in the living room, most of which are pictures of Kate as a little girl. He points at one that was probably taken sometime in the latter years of elementary school and turns back to her with a goofy grin.

"Especially can't help it when I see pictures like _these_. Love the hair. And the sweater dress? Too funny," he says through a fit of laughter.

"Jeez, Castle. It was the 80's. Shut up," she chides, brandishing the wooden spoon in her hand in his direction. "You can't tell me you don't have ridiculous and embarrassing pictures of your own from those days."

"Of course I do. But they're not on public display like this," he jeers, tapping his finger to the glass of one picture on the wall.

"Well duh. That's because your mother is currently living in _your _house. Of course they wouldn't be on display. You think I'd let my Dad have all those up for my friends to see if he lived with me?"

"Oh," he replies thoughtfully, and brings his hand to his chin, a finger stroking his skin pensively as he thinks about it. Then he nods to himself. "Yeah, good point. Only ridiculous and embarrassing childhood pictures of Alexis are allowed up in my home. Not mine."

Kate rolls her eyes and huffs a laugh. "You do realize that what _you _find adorable, _she _probably finds mortifying at her age, right?"

"That's the whole point, isn't it?" Castle replies with a laugh. "Is that how you feel about these ones of you?"

Kate returns the spoon to the pot, stirring as she continues to watch him browsing through her family pictures. She's sort of shocked that it's not bothering her as much as she thought it would.

"Some of them," she admits, and immediately thinks of her modeling photos from high school. She's thankful that last she checked, those were locked away in photo albums nowhere close to here. She was worried about the Christmas album before, but realizes it could be much, much worse.

She wanted to strangle her father when he sent that one photo along to Ryan and Esposito two years ago. Castle finding out about her modeling stint is still something she's not quite ready to think about just yet. If ever.

A silly grin graces Castle's mouth again as he continues along through picture after picture. In a way, it's heartwarming to her, even if a little bit unnerving knowing how much of her he's getting to see. The side of her that he's never known; her past self. To Castle, it's like finally getting her life story. Filling in the blanks that he'd only been able to guess about for all these years.

Seeing him so intently focused on reading the story of Kate Beckett by way of family photos, how fascinated and invested he is in it—and in her—makes something flutter inside of her, bubbling up to the surface and finding release as a deep, loving sigh.

As he gets to the mantle above the fireplace though, her one hand subconsciously grips the spoon handle tightly, the other pressing firmly against the stove as if bracing herself. Knowing which pictures he's going to come across now is a little frightening. Not so much the pictures themselves, but the transition between them. The growth of a carefree, teenage girl into a career-driven woman.

She swallows hard and studies him, watching for his reaction, for the inevitable change in his features that she knows will be coming soon.

"Senior prom?" he asks as he looks over the first of the set of picture frames.

"Mhm," she hums back softly.

"Adorable," he tells her, and she smiles at him shyly.

It's a shot taken just before leaving home for the dance. Kate's standing beside the front door, all dolled up and wearing a shiny, light blue, sequined dress in all it's mid-90's glory. Her face is glowing and he feels like he, too, can feel her anticipation just from the look in her eyes. She's raring to go, probably trembling from excitement and thoughts of what the evening would hold for her.

"No picture with the poor sap your dad terrorized beforehand, huh?" he asks humorously.

"Oh there's a few of those around somewhere. Not here, but I know my dad still has them." When Castle looks disappointed, she can't help but add, "Why, Castle? Curious about my teenage love life, are we?"

"You're damn right I'm curious. I mean, grunge rockers, med students, French royalty? I _gotta _see these guys."

Castle can hear the cling of the spoon hitting the metal pot as Kate fumbles it.

"Wha...how do you even know about all of that?" she sputters, mouth gaping as she recovers the spoon, has to use a napkin to wipe chili off the handle.

"Which one of them was the prom date?" he forges ahead, grinning wickedly.

"Wait...Maddie told you, didn't she? Damn her."

"I bet it was the guitarist, huh?"

"Actually, it was neither of them."

"There were _more_?" he balks back in surprise.

"I'm not saying another word," she says dismissively, waving her free hand in the air.

"You're no fun, Beckett," he replies soberly as she glares at him. "But yes, Madison may have let a thing or two slip when I asked her your type."

"You asked her my type?" she hisses, her face contorting in displeasure. "Oh, do tell me what she had to say to that!"

"Hey, the only reason I asked her was because she was talking to Rocco DiSpirito and mentioning setting you up with him. How could I _not _ask after being witness to that?"

"You're kidding." Castle shakes his head. "Rocco DiSpirito? Seriously?"

"Honest truth," he replies, holding a hand over his heart.

Kate lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

"She's really something else. Hasn't changed one bit since high school."

The conversation drops there with Kate shaking her head in disbelief and heading for the coffee maker again as Castle moves on to the next photo.

Kate's high school graduation.

It's a candid moment, probably snapped by a friend or another relative. Castle can't help the smile that unfolds when he looks at this one. She's in a white cap and gown, diploma in-hand and both of her parents standing beside her, arms wrapped around her. She and her mother look like they're laughing jubilantly at something and Jim is looking upon his girls brimming with pride and joy.

Her NYU graduation photo sits just next to it, only Kate and Jim in it now. It's not a terrible picture, but it's not a good one either. In comparison to the other two pictures on the left, this moment seems synthetic. The smiles are forced, the genuine cheer just not there. Jim doesn't look so well, and Kate's mindset is all too evident on her face and in her eyes. Johanna had been gone a few years by this point, and going through college while grieving for her mother and constantly looking out for her alcoholic father certainly took it's toll on the young woman, physically and emotionally.

The last picture on the mantle is of Kate after she graduated the academy. Seeing her in uniform gives Castle the chills considering how she looked the last time he'd seen her in one, but seeing the fierce, accomplished look in her eyes is more compelling than anything else in the photo. She's not drowning in her grief here, not showing any visible signs of missing her mother during a poignant moment in life. No, this picture captured the moment Kate Beckett knew she was one step closer to finding her mother's killer, her sole purpose in deciding to become a cop in the first place. Her expression here wasn't one of happiness or sadness; it was one of personal achievement and determination.

Kate starts walking out to him then, a coffee mug held in each hand, her eyes carefully trained on him as he's looking upon the last two pictures. The entire time he looks at these particular photos, he's quiet, thoughtful. He doesn't make a comment on any of them, only steals a couple glances at her, then back to a picture, as if comparing the two. The Kate from then, the Kate standing before him now.

She wonders if he's conjuring up images in his mind of her in those days. What she was like, if she was different from today. She knows she was, that she is. Kate Beckett today is not the same girl in those photos. Not prom, not high school, not even college or straight out of the academy. They're all a part of her, some coming to the forefront more than others on any given day, but she's still a work in progress. Still trying to find herself in the jumbled mess that's been the last 13 years of her life.

But she's trying. She is. The fact that Castle is here with her right now, that she let him drive her up here and didn't send him away tonight, is proof of that, isn't it? Proof of progress; of letting go.

"Here, Castle." She bumps his elbow with one of hers, then gestures with a nod of her head down to the mug in her hand.

Castle looks down at her hand, back up to her eyes and sees the soft smile playing across her lips. He nods his head in gratitude, reaches for the mug, his fingers brushing along hers as it shifts from her grasp to his.

"Thanks," he says softly, returning her smile with a faint one of his own.

She can sense it in him, the melancholy that viewing these pictures—reading her story—has instilled in him. It unsettles her, the effect that the knowledge has on him.

Kate takes a couple steps to the right of him, glancing along the wall, scanning for a picture. When she finds it, she turns to him, beckons him closer with a hand gesture.

"Check this one out," she boasts, shutting her eyes tightly as her face cracks into a wide, toothy grin that encompasses her whole face. It takes him a second to realize that she's imitating the picture above her.

Castle bursts into laughter when he sees it: gangly, pre-teen Kate, wild brown locks of curls thrown up in a ponytail, face beaming with a similar grin, but with braces on all of her teeth.

"Ahhh," Castle exhales through his laughter, recomposing himself, "It's the dazzling smile in it's developmental stage."

"Gnarly, right?" she giggles, allowing her face to return to a more natural, socially acceptable look.

Castle regards the picture affectionately, then looks to her, gesturing with his mug to the picture on the wall and back to Kate again.

"Still adorable, all the same. Both versions of her," he offers, eyebrows waggling.

She smiles tenderly at him, filled to the brim with warmth again from his words. His love.

"Come on," she tells him, nudging against his shoulder with her own. "Chili is ready. Let's go eat."

Castle follows her back to the dining room, shoulder to shoulder, both of them grinning to themselves like smitten, awkward teenagers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 6**

* * *

><p>After eating a very late chili dinner (which included second helpings for a certain novelist and his voracious appetite) the pair didn't waste any time jumping into action. Mostly because Castle was on a mission to set the cabin ablaze with Christmas lights. Kate wasn't in any rush, but with Castle so giddy about it, she felt compelled to do whatever she could to watch his smile grow brighter and brighter.<p>

It took them several minutes to figure out where the proper switch was for turning everything on. Nothing was hooked up in the same place as before, that she could remember anyway. It had been many a year since her family had done this and she usually wasn't involved much in the plugging-it-all-in-together aspect, just the setup. Also, they didn't have nearly as many lights or decorations the last time, or any year before that. This year...this was huge and with new stuff everywhere.

Okay, so maybe she was a little excited to see it all lit up, too.

That her father put forth all of this effort for her sake, and got hurt in the process...it wasn't her fault. The logical part of her mind knew that, agreed with that. But even so, she still couldn't shake off the blame she felt for what happened. At the back of her mind, she still held a guilty conscience.

The only reason she wasn't drowning in her thoughts right now had to be because of the man who had been by her side for nearly the entire day.

The man whom continued to remind her that she was not at fault and could never have predicted what happened every time she even looked like she was feeling culpable for anything.

Grabbing a flashlight, she and Castle walked outside and roamed about the exterior of the cabin, glancing up and down, tracing power cords across the ground and the roof, trying to find where they began and where they ended. Kate followed a cord that ran inside the back of the cabin while Castle swung back around to the front, and the only reason she knew she'd found the right switch when she flipped it was because the front yard lit up, illuminating every room inside the cabin with a north-facing window.

...and also because Castle was outside and had shrieked loudly with that boyish delight once everything turned on around him.

Making her way to the living room, brightly lit now from the outdoor lighting, she could see her partner through the front window, standing outside in utter amazement, caught in a whirlwind of light. He was yelling her name excitedly, beckoning her to come outside; '_Kate_,_ look at this! Oh wow! You've gotta see it!'._

When Kate stepped out the front door and walked over to rejoin him, he was pointing to this and that, eyes darting around wildly. He was totally captivated.

She, too, was finding it easy to fall quickly under the spell; both his, and of the lights.

Jim had really outdone himself. The lights were really nothing short of magical once lit, and though it didn't quite _'light up the whole block'_, the cabin certainly stood out as a beacon amongst the darkness of the small neighborhood.

It took Castle a few minutes to collect himself, finally settle down, but Kate didn't mind the outbursts so much. There was child-like excitement pouring out of him in waves and seeing him so animated and happy was helping to improve her mood, keep her mind off things. Whenever her mind went idle, that's when the darkness slipped it's way back in. Castle was keeping her engaged, amused, and most importantly, keeping the darkness at bay with light. Figuratively and literally.

The snowfall had picked up it's pace, falling heavier, more steadily now. They'd only been outside fifteen minutes at best, but Castle was being forced to continually shake snow loose from the top of his head and Kate wasn't fairing any better.

"You wanna go back inside?" he asks. "I think I've had my fill now. You don't have to humor me anymore." He nudged his elbow at her side, nods his head in the direction of the front door. But Kate shakes her head.

"Actually, I kind of want to stay out a little while longer. Enjoy the night, the view. Wind down a bit," when Castle points up at the sky and then gives her a look like she's a little crazy, she quickly adds, "Yes, I'm aware it's snowing, Castle. I didn't mean right here. On the porch, where the snow won't hit."

At that, she makes her way across the yard, up the steps and onto the porch. She moves to take a seat on the swing, looking back at Castle as she sits. "You don't have to stay, too, you know. If you're tired, go rest."

But Castle follows closely in suit, sitting right beside her, either ignoring that boundary of personal space, or not even thinking about it in the first place once it came to sitting down. Their bodies came together, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, thigh to thigh.

"So you can sit out here and brood all alone? Yeah, I don't think so." He doesn't look at her when he says it, having reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, so he misses the appreciative smile she gives him.

She won't admit it out loud, but truthfully she didn't want him to leave anyway. And with him quite literally attached at her hip now, his warmth exuding from him at all points of contact, she's happy that he stayed despite the out she gave him.

Castle checks the weather report on an app on his phone, reads it aloud for Kate. Meteorologists were predicting that the storm would let up sometime in the middle of the night, and Kate surmised that they'd probably wake up to four inches or so of fluffy snow in the morning at the rate it was going currently. Not too much, but enough to paint the city with a blanket of white for a little while. It would probably mostly melt away in a day or two.

Castle points then to his snow-covered sports car, a good two inches of white on it now, and jokingly wonders if his spoiled Ferrari would survive the night. He'd always kept his precious car garaged, inclement weather or not.

"I feel bad. It's lived such a privileged life with me until now, never subjected to such torturous treatment before." He raises his eyebrow, then winks at her.

"I guess it's a good thing cars aren't like people then, Castle, or one night outside the comforts of high society could scar the poor thing for life."

He gives her a slack-jawed, stern look.

"Hey, I don't think I'm adapting all that bad to rural life. Of course, I've only been here about two hours." When Kate's lip quirks up into a smirk, he blinks at her, confused.

She laughs.

"Castle, believe it or not, for once, I wasn't teasing you." He frowns at her, disbelieving. "Oh, come on. Don't look at me like that. I wasn't. Honest."

He studies her, his eyes interrogating her and then his face breaks. He was just messing with her.

"Even if you weren't teasing, it's probably true anyway. I wouldn't know how to survive up here very long, at least, not in this weather. I can barely get a good enough signal on my phone for most of my apps to work properly. So much for 4G."

He grins at her, she slaps a palm to her face and they start laughing.

When the laughter dies down, they both fall to silence, basking in the ambiance of the quiet evening, lights all around them, snow falling softly onto the ground just a few paces in front of them.

The quiet moment lasts until a drawn out yawn escapes from Kate.

"Tired?" Castle asks, angling his head toward her to catch a glimpse of her face.

Kate's warm breath hits the frigid air and turns to vapor instantly, billowing out of her, mingling with the falling snow as it floats across the porch and into the night.

Her eyelids are heavy and a little distant as she stares off into the night, but she shakes her head side to side.

"Exhausted," she admits, stretching her arms above her before leaning back into the swing, shifting her legs to cross at her ankles, legs outstretched in front of her. She holds a hand out in front of her and they both watch as it quivers. Castle frowns and she fists it, tucks it back into the warmth of her chest. "But I'm still too wired up to sleep."

Try as she may to keep her mind off of it, whenever her mind goes idle, or their conversations drop, even if only for a brief moment, she can't shake the feeling of what could have gone wrong today. The more she thinks about it, the more difficult it is to push the thought away again. It's making her restless, fidgety, incapable of really relaxing.

Castle nods in understanding, waits a bit, then starts rocking the swing back and forth, using his feet to propel them to and fro. He meets Kate's eyes when she turns her head to give him a strange look over her shoulder and he smiles down at her.

"What? Too old to be rocked to sleep?" He knows what's plaguing her thoughts since she's been in this mood off and on ever since they left the hospital. He's falling back on being silly because he's not quite sure how to help, how to make everything okay, especially without overstepping the line they've had in place for so long now.

She inwardly kicks herself for it, because she knows this, realizes what he's doing. He's being so sweet, pushing himself to try something, anything, in order to make her feel better. Even at the risk of making himself look childish and absurd.

Not that he doesn't already have some amount of childish absurdity in him already, but still.

It's then, as she's gazing into his eyes, looking into the deep sea of blue that makes her heart race and steals her breath away all at once, that she tries to think of a reason as to why she hasn't just dove in yet.

Why can't she give in to her feelings, to this man who loves her so dearly, gives so much of himself to her, even without the promise of anything in return, as he patiently waits her out?

He's so selfless and yet she's so...

Kate averts her eyes, turns away from him to stare off into the snow again.

Selfish. She's been selfish and she's scared, lying to him for months, and now, when she's on the cusp of being ready, she hasn't the faintest idea of how to dig herself out of the hole she's dug into without hurting him again.

And the thought of that fallout, the consequences of her actions, terrifies her.

Kate hears him sigh, feels him shift at her side, his shoulder that was once flush against her now pulling away slightly. Probably in response to her lack of a reply and subsequent silent treatment. Damn.

Honesty. What he needs from her is honesty. For her to be open.

He loves her. If she can trust him as her partner, trust him to protect her life, she can trust him with her heart, too. With her feelings. She needs to trust him with all of her, the good and the bad.

That's what it means to be whole, what it takes to be fully invested in a loving relationship, right? Mutual trust, understanding.

Not hiding. Not facing things alone.

"I'm sorry," she says suddenly, earnestly. She sits up straight again, pulling her legs back to a ninety-degree angle, hands flat on her thighs, heels planted to the floorboards before tilting up and down, rocking the swing right along with him.

He turns to her, puzzled, and she's pleased to find his shoulder falls back in line with hers.

"For what?"

"You've been so good to me. Not just today, but for months now. And I keep being...well...me."

"I wouldn't expect you to be anyone else," he says on a laugh, but she can hear the nervousness in his voice. The uncertainty.

"What I mean is, I haven't been very fair to you, and I'm trying to be better, Castle, I really am. It's just...hard for me. Opening up, sharing, being honest about what's on my mind. Always has been." She gives him a meaningful look and he stares back at her nervously.

"Kate, you don't have to-"

He's giving her an out. Or maybe he's trying to give himself an out? He's worried about the course this conversation has shifted to, so he's trying to end it before it begins.

No. No, she won't take it. This needs to be said before she loses her nerve.

"Castle, no. Just...let me finish, okay?"

He nods, swallows at the lump in his throat and watches as she lifts her head, looks out at the cloudy, night sky, searching and finding her words. He's so thankful that the sky and perhaps the snow itself tonight is providing her with some sort of solace, imbuing her with a mysterious strength. Because he's honestly scared to do or say anything right now for fear of making it worse.

"I've survived my apartment exploding, being frozen alive and getting shot in the heart," she says quietly, then looks to him, their eyes locking again, conveying feelings that her words just can't put into meaning. Her voice is fragile, but her gaze is unwavering as she looks at him.

"But today, I think I was scared more than all of those combined. Because if I lose my dad, too, I don't think I could survive that."

Simultaneously, they stop rocking their ankles, and the swing sways only a few times more before it comes to a slow stop.

"Kate, he's going to be fine. He's okay," Castle says assuredly. He reaches out his hand, intent on setting his palm over hers where it rests on her thigh but he hesitates, starts to retract it. She catches the gesture though, completes it for him, flipping her hand over, grabbing his and holding it, palm to palm.

"I know. I know that, I do. It's just..." Her brow furrows and she drops her head momentarily, letting out a long breath. She clenches his hand as though she's gathering the strength necessary to vocalize her feelings again. Her worries and fears.

"What, Kate? It's just what?" he coaxes her on, voice gentle, soothing.

Her hand relaxes when he squeezes back and it's just enough to give her the courage to push forward.

_You've got this,_ his eyes tell her, and hers reply in kind. _I do. _She does.

"When I answered that call today, the first thing that popped in my head, the first thing to ripple through my body, was that same exact feeling from 13 years ago when they told us that my mom was gone."

Her lips purse, facial muscles contort as she says it; that unsettling horror of having someone you love snatched away without warning. Castle feels a tightness in his chest, his heart aching for her.

"When that woman from the hospital told me that he was unconscious, I thought, _'I just lost my dad. I've lost Mom and Royce and Montgomery and now I'm losing Dad, too,' _and god Castle. I've barely lived through losing all of them. When I thought that I might lose Dad, too, I couldn't...I just..."

Kate lets out a ragged breath on an exhale, presses the heel of her free palm to her forehead. She's not crying. She isn't, because she knows her dad is fine. Jim was smiling, laughing, joking around and very much alive when she left him. His prognosis is great, recovery assured.

It's not sadness she feels. It's frustration. Frustration coupled with how she's haunted by the anguish of her past. The grief of losing her mother, her mentors, and the fear of losing her father, not just today, but years prior. She'd already been down that road 8 years ago before he sobered up. It wasn't a road she was—could ever be—prepared to go down again. And today was a reminder of just how damaged she still is from her many losses, from that dormant fear of losing yet another person she loves.

"Kate," Castle calls to her, reaching up with his free hand to touch his palm to her cheek. He brushes his thumb across the soft skin of her cheekbones, watches as her hand falls away from her forehead at his touch. She sneaks a glance at his hand as his fingers stroke along her skin, and her eyes fall closed again. He smiles.

That she would share this deep-seated fear with him, confide in him about it—it means so much. He's touched by it, and quite frankly, swirling with a sense of accomplishment. She's finally, finally letting him in, and he wants so much now to take away that pain, set her mind at ease, make her smile again.

His fingers curl at her chin, luring her back up to face him, to meet his eyes. She complies without a moment of hesitation, but when she opens her eyes, sees the way he's looking at her now, she instantly feels so vulnerable, so exposed. It's as though he can see right through her, and with that tender look in his eyes as he gazes upon her, she figures he's doing just that. Seeing right through her.

And he does. He sees her fear of the unfamiliar territory, can feel it, sense it, and so he pulls back. Gives her space, time.

"He's not leaving you," he whispers, his fingers dragging down her skin as he pulls his hands away. Her eyes flutter open slowly, take him in, that soft gaze of his. "The only place your dad is going is home with you. You're gonna celebrate Christmas together, just like you planned, and in a few days, you'll both be laughing about the whole thing. Just wait and see."

Kate nods her head, takes in and lets out a long breath and then a few seconds later, she's laughing. Lightly, but she's still laughing, and then she laughs all the more when his face scrunches up, confused and curious and altogether amused by her.

"What's so funny?" he says, his voice a chuckle now. Her laughter is infectious.

She waves him off.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just...it feels so good to get that all off my chest," she says, smiling at him.

"Well if that's the the case, I'd be more than happy to help take things off your chest anytime, Detective."

She arches her brow at him, smirks, and he continues, grinning all the while.

"Figurative things," he goes on, eyes her, deadpans. "Physical things—"

And then despite how she instinctively pulls her lip between her teeth, that overwhelming, uncontainable and brilliant smile erupts on her face anyway, with another cute little laugh to boot.

"Mm, I'm sure you would, Castle," she purrs back, pulling that lip back between her teeth again as she stands, slapping a hand to his thigh in the process. She saunters away, calling over her shoulder, "And maybe someday I might just let you."

She stops at the door, pulls it open and looks back across the porch to find Castle gaping at her, speechless.

"You coming?" she hums, so very pleased with herself. And happy. She's happy again.

He makes her happy.

"Y-yeah," he fumbles, and thinks twice about using a double entendre there, for his own sake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

><p>Kate's eyes slowly begin to flutter open the next morning at the crack of dawn. The sunrise is barely breaking through the thin curtains on her bedroom window, leaving much of the room in darkness and not even the chatter of birds can be heard from outside yet.<p>

You know you're a hardcore early bird when you wake up unassisted before the actual birds do.

It's not that she's a morning person. If you asked her, she'd never classify herself as such. She was always the kid whose parents had one hell of a time getting in gear every morning to go to school, especially as a teenager. She was late to class on many occasions, even throughout college, for lazying about, constantly hitting snooze, or just slamming her hand down on the off-button of her alarm, saying _"Screw it, I'm going back to sleep."_

The way she guzzles down coffee for a good chunk of the morning in the present day is a testament to the fact that no, she's definitely not a morning person. Her internal clock has only adjusted to waking well before the rest of the world does after one too many early morning body drop calls over the past several years. Were it not for the saviors that are coffee and espresso(and the novelist who always supplies her with ample amounts of both), she would never function. With her workaholic nature, a hot shower and plenty of caffeine, Kate can be up and ready to tackle almost any day, but she likes to think that she truly comes alive at night.

She's certainly more feisty, more courageous at night, if last night was any indication.

Wait, what?

Her head jerks upright, and she startles a bit when her hazy, half-asleep brain finally rouses, begins to register her most recent memories, and she realizes she's not in bed back at her apartment.

Right. She's at her parents' cabin. Dad's in the hospital. Castle drove her up here and...

Oh. Castle. He's here, too. Still here.

Kate yawns, rubs her eyes with the heel of one hand and slowly slides out of bed. She had stripped off her jeans and slept in her underwear and a large, long sleeve t-shirt that she raided her father's closet for that reaches down to her knees.

It didn't even occur to her until she was getting ready for bed last night that she hadn't brought any clothes, or anything at all really with her yesterday. She and Castle were in such a rush to get to the hospital, and she hadn't packed for her holiday break yet anyway so there was no point in dropping by her apartment before they made the drive up. She only had the contents of the bag she brought to work, which basically carried the main work-related essentials: wallet, keys, her badge and gun, a few other tools of the trade here and there, hair brush, make-up—oh, and a package of gummi bears.

Castle, on the other hand...he didn't have anything but his wallet, phone and the clothes on his back. She'd offered to find him something of her dad's to wear for the night, but he respectfully declined.

Her lip curls into a devilish smirk then, recalling the last thing he said to her before she'd told him good night and ambled off to her bedroom.

"_Don't sneak out here in the middle of the night now, Beckett. I sleep naked."_

She was so very, very close to replying with _"Don't tempt me, Castle" _but at the last minute went with "_That's fine, but don't come complaining to me in the morning when you literally freeze your ass off." _Not too much, not too little. His grin told her it was enough.

Curiosity, though, gets the better of her now. She walks briskly across her room, out the door and down the hallway, poking her head around the corner to the living room to sneak a peek in the direction of the couch.

She's not expecting to find him sprawled out stark naked on the sofa-turned-bed. It was obviously a joke—a rather charged, provocative one, intent on ruffling her feathers—but a joke nevertheless.

Kate just doesn't want to find Castle already awake and catching her in nothing but an over-sized t-shirt and panties at close to six o'clock in the morning. Because _that _would be the worst-case scenario here in terms of provocative situations, and would most assuredly result in inciting something in him that they were just not ready to deal with yet.

And okay, even so, she's slightly hopeful he might be shirtless, but Kate's not at all concerned with maintaining her self-control. It's _his _that she worries about.

The lighting in the living room is even lower than her room was, but her eyes have adjusted enough to see that he has a white undershirt on and his lower half is completely tangled up in all of the blankets.

She's not bummed out. Really, she isn't.

He's asleep on his stomach, both arms tucked under the pillow his head is comfortably sunken into.

She thinks she can hear him snoring softly, and after a moment's hesitation, she's softly padding her way over to him, careful not to make any sound.

He looks adorable asleep. That's really the only way she can describe it.

She's seen him sleeping before. Hell, she's slept next to him on several occasions now, though none of them were ideal or relatively normal ones.

Quite frankly, with the exception of some of the entertaining hijinks present in their most recent misadventure, every single one of those occasions of waking up next to Castle just plain sucked, and were rather frightening.

Seriously, they need to stop getting themselves caught up in situations resulting in waking up together after having been drugged. Then again, being knocked out cold by a needle was much better than literally passing out cold in a freezer. She's quite certain Castle would agree with her on that one.

The first thing she notices as she sits down on the edge of the coffee table next to him (it'd been pushed off just at the side of the sofa to make room for the bed to pull out) is how disheveled his hair looks now. It's sticking out every which way in little tufts. He probably tossed and turned a bit before finding a comfortable position to fall asleep in. And sure enough, upon closer inspection, he's definitely snoring. Not obnoxiously, and only intermittently, but his jaw is slack, mouth slightly ajar on the pillow.

So at peace. And yes, so very adorable.

"Castle," she whispers quietly. "Can you hear me?"

He doesn't stir.

She didn't think he would, given how heavy a sleeper he is, and how late they had stayed up.

"I never properly thanked you for bringing me up here and staying with me through all this," she murmurs softly, studying his face as he breathes in and out slowly, completely unaware of her. "Though I suppose this wouldn't exactly be considered proper, huh? You don't even know I'm here."

Gingerly, she extends her hand down to him, runs a few fingers languidly through his sleep-rumpled hair, tousled locks. Still, he doesn't respond, lost in the realm of sleep.

"But I'm here, and I'm with you." Physically, emotionally, in all the ways that count.

She wonders what he's dreaming of tonight, if anything at all. It's no secret that he's had dreams about her before. In the early days of their partnership, the thought made her livid and she wanted to hear nothing of it. Now, though? She's all too inquisitive about what the man before her dreams up about his favorite detective. About her.

Because she dreams about him all the time now, and not just when she's sleeping.

"Don't conjure up anything too enchanting. Trust me—those ones are no fun to wake up from," she says as she runs her hand one last time through the copper locks of hair before carefully drawing her palm down to cup his cheek. His skin is warm against hers, and she can feel the light stubble coming in against her fingertips as she draws them across the surface of his cheek bone.

She gazes down at him longingly, almost wishes he _would _wake up, catch her in the act so they could stop this whole charade of wanting but not wanting, feeling but not expressing, pretending but fooling no one.

But Castle is Castle. Heavy sleeper, also not a morning person, and also a very patient man when it comes to her.

"Rick," she murmurs, bending down toward him, her one hand still cupping his cheek, the other moving to rest along the rippled muscle of his upper arm.

His whole body had made a transformation since this journey together began all those years ago. He's always been a physically fit and muscle-toned man before, but never like this. His arms are always hidden beneath his suits and jackets, but the muscles in his arms, back, abs, neck...everything was huge now, and she can't help but think it has to do with him wanting to be stronger and more fit as her partner, her backup; to protect her, should the need arise. He legally can't carry a gun (not that that's stopped her from handing her spare Glock over before—twice), but the guns on his arms would certainly be intimidating to the average man.

She wants so badly to be wrapped up in those arms sometimes.

She dips her head in slowly toward him, close enough to feel his warm breath against her skin as he exhales, to smell the faint scent of his fading cologne mixed in with his own personal aroma.

She hovers above his lips, studying him, as if waiting for his eyes to jut open, for him to bolt upright, but he's still as ever, even at her touch. He's breathing evenly, a slight grunt of a snore escaping every few breaths. Out like a light.

Finally, she gives in, closes the gap between them and kisses him, closed mouth, lips brushing across his briefly before pulling back. She bumps her nose to his, rubs her thumb across his lower lip.

So much for that self-control.

"Thank you," she murmurs, before moving her lips to his ear, her cheek nestled against his.

Her next words are barely even a whisper.

"I love you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 8**

* * *

><p>Castle rouses to sunlight shining in his eyes and is pleasantly greeted with the sound and smell of sizzling bacon wafting about the room. Funny, he could've sworn Kate mentioned last night that they'd go out for breakfast in the morning before heading over to the hospital. Now she's making breakfast?<p>

He groans as he stretches his arms into the air. They'd at some point gone a little numb under his pillow during the night and now they're both achey. He uncurls his legs and stretches them out next before craning his neck around to look over into the direction of the kitchen. He finds Kate standing over the stove, spatula in hand, looking right back at him. Her lips are pursed and she appears to be mildly amused. At him, probably.

"Bacon," he grumbles, voice gravelly and still full of sleep. She doubles over, laughing at him.

"You wake up and the first word out of your mouth is 'bacon'? Seriously?"

He frowns at her, lets out an audible yawn and runs both of his hands up and down his face. She's still chuckling to herself.

"Good morning to you, too," she says with amusement, shaking her head lightly at him.

"Morning." He sits up, legs tossed over the side of the bed, heels hitting the floor with a dull thud. He rotates his right shoulder a couple times, wincing and moaning at the stiffness.

"Were you watching me sleep, Detective?" he asks, seeing that her eyes are still on him. He gives a waggle of his eyebrows as he says it.

"No, but I was watching you wake up. Very loudly, I might add," she explains, returning the eyebrow waggle with a raised brow of her own before adding, "It's rather entertaining."

Castle snorts a laugh at that.

"So," he starts, nose sniffing the aroma of the air, "Not that I'm complaining about breakfast in bed, but I thought we were gonna grab something to eat somewhere before visiting your dad."

"Who said anything about breakfast in bed?" she says sharply, arching her eyebrow and giving him that look he knows all too well. He rubs the back of his head with his hand, a sheepish grin on his face and she can't hold the look long. Not with the way his face looks right now—messy bed hair, goofy smile—and especially not after what she did to it earlier.

She has to quickly turn away from him at the thought of it. Has to conceal her face as she feels the burning sensation erupt on her cheeks again.

Just a couple of hours ago, she had caressed his face, kissed him square on the mouth, whispered 'I love you' into his ear and then...made a hasty retreat.

But she didn't just walk away and leave the room.

She left the building entirely.

"I changed my mind." Eyes still on the pan in front of her, Kate points behind her to the pantry, waving her finger around absently at the freshly stocked contents. "Took a trip to the 24-hour market while you were sleeping to grab a few things. I'll be here at least until Monday night, so figured I'd get it out of the way early."

Well, that's partially true.

* * *

><p>Stealing a kiss from the man she loves while he's blissfully unaware, and then admitting her feelings out loud left her extremely flustered afterward. Mostly due to the fact that once her breath tickled his ear, he'd reflexively pulled a hand out from underneath the pillow to swat at the source of the sensation, his palm clapping onto her cheek. Not hard, but enough to startle her.<p>

Immediately, she froze, felt a familiar surge in her body from another time his hand had been on her cheek. When he'd had that "dumb idea" that somehow evolved into kissing her, making her moan into his mouth as they nipped at and sucked on each other's lips, both of their hands grabbing and touching skin, hair, clothing. From the tips of her toes to her fingertips and up her neck to her cheeks, she burned from within.

It was the most exhilarating thirty seconds of her life.

She was feeling very much the same in the afterglow now, only she thought that he'd woken up. That he'd heard her and was making his move on her.

And in that moment—she was ready. Waiting for it.

But Castle was _not _awake. Not entirely. He was still caught up in his slumber, and his palm fell away from her skin just as quickly as it had touched her.

"That'll teach you to mess with the forces of Voltar," he mumbled before his voice dropped into incoherent mutters, and then nothing but the sounds of his breathing and that little snore again.

Heart pounding, skin flush and nearly every muscle in her body tingling, quivering, her courageous and intimate moment with him quickly escalated to _'Oh my god, what the hell am I doing?'_ and ended with her grabbing her father's truck keys, heading to the 24-hour market in town and spending the next hour grocery shopping so that she could calm her ass down from the safety of several miles away.

When she returned, he was just as she had left him. Still asleep, still adorable as ever.

And smiling. He was smiling in his sleep.

She went about putting away the groceries, careful not to make much noise so that her silly Voltarian could keep dreaming his happy dream a little while longer.

* * *

><p>Castle's voice snaps her back to the present, out of her reverie.<p>

"How long have you been up?" He queries, reaching toward the coffee table to grab his phone, check the time. "It's barely even eight o'clock."

"Couple of hours."

"You should have woke me up."

Kate shivers, feels her heart rate increasing. "I tried," she replies, muttering "Sort of," under her breath.

"Sorry, when I'm out, I'm really out sometimes," he says with a chuckle. "But breakfast in bed delivered by a pretty girl though? That's plenty of motivation to get moving in the morning."

"Just for that, I'm eating your share of the bacon." She reaches down to a plate to her right, lifts up a freshly cooked, crispy strip of bacon and dangles it in front of her mouth for him to see before popping it into her mouth.

"H-hey! I was kidding! Not the bacon!" He shouts, popping up to his feet to protest as she reaches to grab another one.

And that's when she gets to see what he slept in beneath all the blankets. No, not naked—in his boxers.

His silk boxers.

The back of her hand comes up to her mouth to hide her smile.

"I see you slept comfortably," she says, smirking against her fingers, and when he stares blankly back at her, she drops her eyes to his undergarments, then back up to his face again. "Thomas Nash, was it?"

"Huh? Oh." He glances downward, "OH!"

She can't help it. She really can't. The laughter bubbles out of her faster than she can stifle it back.

"Don't look, Beckett, you're going to make me blush," he says coyly. "I feel so exposed."

"You better find your pants then, Castle, or the bacon's gonna be all gone before you get the chance to come near me to get it," she taunts, another strip of bacon making it's way into her mouth. Castle's mouth gapes, recovers, and then a fantastic smirk appears on his face.

"Well, if that's case, I guess I'll just have to skip out on the pants."

"No pants, no service."

As soon as it leaves her mouth, she cringes, knows she's stepped right into that one.

"Service, huh?" he growls, eyes dark. "Are you running a sting in this bed and breakfast, Detective Beckett?"

"Mind out of the gutter, Castle."

"Throw a dog a bone, he's gonna catch it," he says and when she glares at him, his voice adopts a more formal tone. He gives a little curtsy with a wave of his hand added to complete the gesture.

"It's lucky for you, you're in the presence of a complete gentleman."

"Who is standing in the living room of my father's cabin in a t-shirt and his underwear," she laughs. "My, how refined."

Castle takes his bow as an opportunity to snatch his jeans off the floor, then makes his way for the hallway, heading toward the bathroom.

"Give me a couple minutes to gussy up in the little boy's room and I'll show you refined. In the meantime, please don't eat my bacon. I'll behave, I promise."

Kate's eyes soften when she sees his pleading eyes. She plucks the plate off the counter next to her and sets it down on the bar for him to see. There's more than just bacon on it. She's made him eggs and hashbrowns, too, and there's a pitcher of orange juice and two glasses sitting on the dining room table.

She leans an elbow onto the counter top, chin propped up in her palm, smiles at him.

"Don't worry. I made you plenty."

When he grins back at her before turning the corner, she bites her lip, turns her head and sighs into her hand.

She wants to kiss him again so bad.

* * *

><p>They head over to the hospital just after nine o'clock, when visiting hours are set to open. Discharge is at ten, but when she called her dad before making the drive over, he said he didn't think they'd be letting him go today. <em>'Just to be on a safe side, since I was out for so long yesterday.' <em>She hates to say it, but she thinks it might be a good idea to keep him another night. She wants him absolutely cleared and on the mend before he steps a foot out of the hospital, Christmas Eve or not.

Once they make it to the waiting room, Castle stops, tugs on Kate's elbow to catch her attention. She spins around, looks at him as if to ask '_What's wrong?'_

He seems hesitant to speak at first, unsure of himself.

"I think I'll hang back this time. Give you guys some time alone."

Kate's brow furrows, head tilts in confusion.

"What? Why?"

"It's Christmas Eve. If he can't come home with you today, I'd rather see you spend the day with him, have some Father-Daughter time," he says honestly.

"Castle you don't have to—"

"No, no. As the father of a daughter of my own, I must insist."

Kate frowns. She wasn't expecting this turn of events. The gesture is sweet, but she doesn't want to just leave him alone, either.

"Do you want the keys? Head back to the cabin?"

She'd driven this time, her father's truck again. It was just easier that way on the snowy roads. Safer, too.

"No, no. You hang onto them," he says, waving his hand in front of him as she reaches into her coat to sift for them.

"What are you going to do then? I can't just leave you out here in the lobby playing Angry Birds for hours."

Castle chuckles, gives her an appreciative smile for thinking of him.

"I think I'll wander around a bit, chat with some hospital staff. Who knows, might spark some inspiration and ideas for the new book."

Oh. Well, sure. That makes sense, given how the last one ended. But even so, she doesn't like leaving him. It feels as though he's letting her shut him out, and she doesn't like that.

Doesn't like it at all.

"Are you sure?" she asks, searching his eyes, his face, for any sign that might tell her otherwise. But there's nothing there. Just his sincerity.

"Absolutely certain. Go on, visit your dad. If you need me, you know how to reach me," he replies with a soft smile, wiggling his phone out in front of him.

"Okay." She's trying not to sound disappointed, but she's not sure if she's managed to keep it out of her voice. "Come back if you get bored, all right? I'll—"

"Don't worry about me. Just take your time."

When she watches him stroll away from her, backtracking for the elevator, she feels a sadness come over her. They'd been together for over 24 hours, up until she made that escape to the grocery store after kissing him, and having him walk away now, pulling away from her, even with the best of intentions, she can't help but feel a little empty without his presence at her side.

"I'll see you," he says as he steps into the elevator.

"See you."

When the elevator doors close, she drops her head, closes her eyes and lets out a sigh.

Once she recomposes herself, she heads over to the receptionist to check in.


	9. Chapter 9

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 9**

* * *

><p>"No Rick?" Jim asks after his daughter steps into the room and gives him a hug and kiss on the cheek in greeting. "I got the impression he was coming along with you. Did he head home already?"<p>

She takes a seat beside his bed in the chair this time. The second chair stays empty on the other side of the room and her mouth twists at the sight of it. She recalls the look in Castle's eyes, the smile on his face, the tone of his voice as the elevator closed, separating them from one another. Sending him on one path, her on another.

It shouldn't bother her as much as it does. She's trying not to let it, but it's still creeping in, ever so slowly.

"No, he's still here. Just insisted I get in some father-daughter bonding time since you won't be coming home today."

Jim takes note of the flat tone to her voice. It's different from last night, very different from twenty minutes ago on the phone.

"That was nice of him."

"Yeah." She draws out the word, gives him a nod and a little smile.

Now her father knows something is off. She's trying to hide it, but he can see it there. Something about this situation is troubling her. It's all too clear on her face, in her mannerisms.

Feeling bold, he says, "But you wish he was here."

It's not a question. It's a statement, and one that startles Kate, makes her recoil. It's the kind of sentence that makes her want to laugh and reply with _'What are you talking about?'_.

...up until her father gives her that all-knowing look that says _'Drop the act. You're not fooling me.'_

"It's not that," she settles on, "I mean, if he wants to go wander around and give us time together, that's fine. I don't mind, and I appreciate the gesture. I do."

Kate's lower lip lifts up as she frowns and she gives a little sigh. Jim waits her out, the _'But...?' _hanging in the air, unspoken.

"I just don't want him to feel like an outsider. Like he's interfering, or he doesn't belong."

Jim gives a small nod of understanding.

"Maybe you're putting too much thought into it, Katie. He was probably just being considerate."

Kate huffs out soft growl of a breath that makes Jim smile and remember a time in years past when a much smaller, younger version of her would give him this same response when he'd attempt to (without her request) comfort her over boy trouble.

"It's not like you pushed him away," he offers when she remains quiet, nipping at one of her thumbnails with her teeth.

Her reply back is lightning quick, "But I have been. Pushing him away."

"You're working on it, though," he says, reaching a hand out to take hers. He strokes it gently, soothingly.

She gives a light nod of her head but there's not much conviction there. She's trying, but she's still not where she wants to be. Not yet.

"And if it were you in his place, Dad? How would that make you feel?" she asks then, eyes pleading for some sort of reassuring answer, though she's uncertain she'll get one.

Jim lets out a long breath, regards her for a moment. His daughter doesn't hold eye contact with him long before her line of vision switches back to the empty chair across the room.

"I can't answer that, Katie. I only know what I've briefly observed and what you've told me—which isn't much. Isn't it enough that he's still here? That he came back and is still working with you? That has to show for something. About how he feels."

"I guess."

Jim studies his daughter carefully, can see the way the thoughts are swirling around in her head as she sits silently, staring off at something and nothing at the same time. It's a trait they have in common, one he's certain she inherited from him, much to his dismay; letting the worrisome thoughts and emotions consume them, almost to the point of eating them alive.

"I kissed him this morning," she confesses suddenly, and her face falls into the palm of her free hand, both ashamed and mortified to be admitting it aloud, and to her father no less. It's weighing on her mind though, and it's not exactly something she can talk about to Castle this time around.

Not right now, anyway.

"You think that's why he's giving you space?" Jim asks gently, still stroking the skin of her hand with his thumb.

"No," she shakes her head. A shy smile creeps onto her features and she doesn't dare look at him. "He was asleep. Had no idea."

"Oh, wow." Jim replies, chuckling and she eyes him, frowning.

"No, no. It's not like that, Dad. Jeez," she explains, tugging her hand away from his and waving both of hers at him, flustered. "He slept on the sofa," and then for good measure, "Alone."

"Okay, so you kiss the guy while he's sleeping. Then what?"

Kate drops her head to the palm of her hand again. She feels like curling up in a ball and hiding away. This is so embarrassing.

She chances a look up at her father and finds him smiling down at her though. Waiting. He's not judging. He never does.

"I did what I do best," she sighs. "I ran."

"You've been running for years, Katie. He's still chasing. From what you've told me, he's the only one keeping up, only one who ever has. I don't think Rick Castle's going to give up on you so easily. If at all."

"He did over the summer," she says solemnly.

And there it is. The heart of the matter. The underlying fear seeping in.

Jim goes silent, watching as Kate winces, shakes her head, runs an unsteady hand through her hair, tossing it around. Nervous gestures, coping mechanisms to stave off the discomfort and self-loathing she's carrying within her.

Her father had been with her all summer, saw what she went through in her recovery. It wasn't pleasant seeing his daughter in so much pain, both physically and emotionally. If it wasn't from her wounds, it was from the heartache and grief.

No matter what he said or how he tried to cheer her up, cheer her on, nothing worked. Not really. She'd give a smile when he'd tell a joke, but it was half-hearted. She'd start out on a good day, and then they'd see on TV or in the newspaper something about Montgomery's death. Someone would recognize her in the grocery stores or on the street when she'd head to physical therapy from the front page article of the New York Herald after her shooting. Even advertisements for Heat Rises coming out soon would leave her shattered for hours afterward, sometimes an entire day, entire week.

It was only after she'd returned home, gone back to work that he noticed the change in her demeanor. When she'd call him or meet up for coffee and dinner occasionally, she was happy again. The light was back in her eyes, her spirits lifted.

Jim had no doubt about it being due to a certain mystery novelist's influence on her. Because of his presence in her life again.

"If you want my honest opinion—" Jim starts, and Kate lifts her eyes to him. He can see the hurt in them. The fear, regret. Desperation for a way to make this all better.

He doesn't have all the answers for her. It's something only she and Rick can figure out, work through together. But still...

"—it would have been more unfair to him to jump in before you're ready, just to appease him, Katie. You did the right thing."

"Then why do I feel so horrible about it?" she chokes out, voice strained. "How am I supposed to see it as doing the right thing when I'm still lying to him? When I hurt him? When I'm going to hurt him again?"

"Okay, so you could have handled it better. You know that. But what's done is done. You can't dwell on that decision forever."

He watches as she processes it, silently seems to come to agreement on his words.

"On some level, he's going to understand why you did what you did, but he won't know until you tell him. Of course it's going to hurt at first, there's no getting around that. But do you think he would have rather you turned him down? Rather watched you walk away with your boyfriend again, knowing you know how he feels, while you figured out how to move forward after everything that happened?"

She wasn't with Josh long after she was shot. Days, at the most. After a week, it was officially over. Josh had known all along that there was something there, between her and her partner. It was unmistakable, especially towards the end of their relationship. He'd just been stuck in denial because they'd been together for so long and Kate was coming home to him most nights they had off together, or he to her place.

After the shooting though, she changed. The knowledge of Castle's feelings for her, having the confirmation of it, it made her distant with Josh. She was pulling away from his embraces, shying away at his every touch, seemingly unaffected by his words of comfort, of affection.

She couldn't bring herself to break it off with him immediately, not after all he'd done to help save her life in the operating room. But she knew she couldn't drag it out long, and he sensed the shift, the change. Her heart was elsewhere.

It belonged to someone else. It always had.

Once Josh was gone, she'd pushed everyone else out, too. She didn't call the boys or Lanie often at all. She hid away in this little town, in her father's cabin, trying for three months to figure out how to make sense of the mess her life had become. She was grieving and physically wounded. Her captain was dead. Her mother's murderers almost killed her. And she'd shut out Castle from her life.

Days became weeks, weeks blurred into months. It was a miserable summer and no real wonder why she was such a mess by the time she got back to work.

But Castle made things better again. Helped her pull herself back together, pull her from the darkness.

"I just don't know where to begin, Dad. How to fix this," she explains, her voice like the whimper of a small child.

"Nothing is broken, Katie."

"But it could be," she asserts sadly. "If it's out in the open, it could all come crashing down."

"Sweetheart, if you keep worrying about how to fix it before anything has even fallen apart, you're never going to move past this." He squeezes her hand, urges her to give him her attention, stop fixating on the wall, the chair, whatever it is that she's burning a hole into while her thoughts and worries trouble her.

In a way, he's right. She's constantly thinking about damage control when Castle is still standing right there by her side, everything relatively back to normal, but more than before.

There's no illusions now. She knows he loves her, knows without a doubt that she loves him. And somewhere deep down, he has to see it, too. How her projected feelings have shifted for him.

It's more than they ever had, ever were before.

She's becoming more than she was.

But...is it enough?

"How can he forgive me? He'll never forgive me," she laments, voice low, feeble.

"He forgave you for leaving, didn't he? Now he just needs to know the real reason why you did it."

Why she left. Why she'd kept him waiting. She'd told him the truth before, just not all of it. Time to work through everything—Not just the shooting, not just Montgomery's death. Castle's confession, too. Not knowing how to deal with those feelings, not knowing how to give them—her and Castle—a chance.

"I'm just so scared he's going to hate me for it. That I'm going to mess everything up, lose him for good."

"Katie..." He reaches out to her, pulling her in for an embrace. She clings to him, a ragged breath escaping her.

"At the beginning of the summer, you said you weren't ready. But from what you've told me in recent weeks and especially about this morning, it sounds like you finally are. Your mother always said that the truth could never hurt us, so let the truth come out. From the stories I've heard, the two of you are next to unstoppable as a team. You'll be able to figure it all out together. I'm sure of it."

Yes. As a team, they're the best. Always able to solve the mystery.

Together, they can tackle just about anything.

This isn't a murder investigation, but she basically has a gun in her hand, pointing the end of the barrel at his heart, finger on the trigger.

No matter how she looks at this, telling him she lied is going to break his heart, and she's not sure how to do that again. Not without knowing how to mend it. _If _she can mend it.

Kate's hands grip onto Jim's hospital gown, the material fisted tightly in her grasp.

"I know you're worried, sweetheart," Jim consoles her, rubbing his arm up and down her back. "But you're never going to be happy until everything is out in the open. Tell him how you feel. He won't hate you for loving him enough to let him go. I can see it in his eyes the way he looks at you. I saw it here last night. He loves you, more than ever."

Kate pulls back, gives him a faint smile as she nods.

She sees it, too. Feels it. In his words, his actions, definitely in the way he looks at her. It's all there. His love devotion for her.

She left him for three months. He was angry. He lashed out with bitter words at their reunion.

But now look how far they've come.

Leaving was half the hurt she inflicted upon him that day. They worked through that already, so maybe...

Maybe there's hope.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," she says with a shaky voice, wipes a hand under her eye to catch a stray tear. "You're recuperating in the hospital and here I am rattling off all of my personal problems to you."

Jim laughs, "Isn't that what parents are for at this age?"

An amused smile creeps onto her face and Jim is pleased to see the light return to her eyes.

"Well, that, and this, too," she says, reaching back in to hug him tightly. She kisses his cheek before dropping her head against his shoulder. "I love you, Daddy. So much. And I'm so glad you're okay."

"Don't worry, sweetie. You're stuck with me for a good long while," he says, then nudges her lightly in the ribs with his hand. "After all, I think I may have grandchildren to spoil in the future here."

"Dad!" she half-shrieks, half-snarls and Jim can just picture the glowering look on her face.

"I wonder who they'll take after though?" he continues on, pondering out loud, and Kate can't help it—she's smiling. She's beet-red, cheeks burning, but she's smiling. The thought is both thrilling and terrifying to her, but most of all, hopeful. And that's what she needs right now. Hope.

A future with Castle, sharing their life together, having children...

"Either way I look at it though, you're going to have your hands full. That fiesty attitude of yours mixed with that renegade? Oh boy."

She's laughing now. Uninhibited, jubilant laughter.

Yes, they're definitely in for trouble someday, but she doesn't mind.

As long as it's with him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

><p>It's a quarter after three when Kate leaves Jim's room and her immediate thought is to text Castle as she enters the hallway. Under normal circumstances, she'd call, but that's against hospital rules, even if this wing doesn't have any critical care patients or high-tech medical machinery. She might be a cop, but she has no jurisdiction here and it's not like this is an emergency phone call. No bending the rules just because she's anxious to see her partner.<p>

Anxious to see him. That's...new. Well, for only having been apart a few hours, anyway.

She'd texted him several times to check in with him as the hours went by in the day. He'd send back a teasing message about her missing him (which, okay, was true enough, though she'd never admit it to him) or to reassure her that he won't get lost roaming around an unknown area alone (_'I have GPS on my phone, Beckett'_.)

He never answered her directly when she'd ask what he was doing or where he was. This, of course, fueled her imagination and curiosity regarding his whereabouts and activities all the more. This _was _Castle, after all. The possibilities were limitless when it came to him.

Every reply given to her was a non-answer.

What are you up to? _- 'Oh, this and that.'_

Did you have lunch yet? - '_Yes._' What'd you have? - _'Food.' _

He was totally toying with her, making her mind run rampant with ideas and he had to know it, had to be his intention all along, because when she asked where he was, a message she got back an hour ago made her father jump when she laughed out loud reading it: _'Lost in the woods. I think I just saw a bear. Don't worry, I bought some beef jerky.'_

She sends him a text of '_I'm leaving._ _Where are you?_' and walks briskly down the hallway, waiting for her phone to buzz with a response (he's usually so quick to reply) but she gets nothing.

Just as she passes by the nurses station on her way out, a high-pitched, somewhat strangled voice calls out to her.

"Um, Miss Beckett?"

Kate startles when she turns and sees the face of the woman behind the voice: It's the nurse whose head she just about bit off last night. The one she mistook as the one who was supposed to but had not called her with an update on her father's condition.

The one Castle had to drag her away from as the young nurse cowered away in fear waving her arms saying _'It wasn't me, it wasn't me!'_

"Y-yes?" Kate stutters out in response, nervous and mortified and wanting to dart down the hall but her legs just won't move right now.

The two women stare at each other awkwardly for a moment and Kate can see the quiver in the nurse's lip. She realizes then that she probably gave this poor girl a frightening first impression last night, one she's likely not to forget anytime soon.

Kate swallows down the nervousness, bites back the pang of regret and softens her tone of voice.

"Is there something you need?" Gentle. Civil. Not scary bad-cop or protective daughter mode at all.

"N-no, it's just when I uh, when I came back in from my lunch break, I bumped into your um...your boyfriend?"

"My...what?" Kate chokes out and it doesn't really sink in and hit her about whom she's speaking of before the nurse starts flailing her hands in front of her in a panic.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry! I didn't meant to presume! I just figured you were...Anyway! The man you were with last night. Tall, with the blue eyes? He wanted me to let you know that he'd be out in the waiting room for you, if I saw you go by. That's all." The girl lets out an exasperated breath. "I'm so sorry."

Kate's jaw drops slightly in the wake of it, and her own exhale turns into a puff of laughter.

Funny. Even someone who doesn't know her, only saw her fly into a blind rage for all but a minute, could see there was something there between them after Castle stepped in to pull her off of her.

When Kate is still laughing lightly to herself, the girl looks at her curiously.

"Thank you for letting me know." Kate gives her an appreciative smile and turns on her heel, begins walking away.

...but three paces later, her guilty conscious gets the best of her and she turns back, walking over to the desk and apologizing profusely for her angry outbursts last night.

She makes a mental note to get Castle back for this one. Having _this _nurse of all the people in the hospital wing deliver a message to her, on top of all those ridiculous text messages? That man...he was going to get it.

* * *

><p>There's only a handful of people sitting out in the waiting room and it's relatively quiet, save for the sound of the elevator and a television playing the old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer movie. A woman is sitting nearest to the television with her three young children whom are completely enamored with the film and don't even seem to notice her walk in.<p>

Kate spots Castle the instant she turns the corner and steps fully into the room. He's got a window seat and from three-floors up you can see the wide expanse of the town. It's a vastly different scenery from back home. Far more green and much less industrial steel.

The seat he's chosen to sit at is next to a table covered with a stack of magazines and old newspapers and is dead-center to the television mounted on the wall across the room. But upon further inspection of him at a distance, he's neither reading nor watching the TV. His head is tilted onto his shoulder, arms crossed over his chest, mouth a little lax...

Oh. He's asleep.

As she walks closer to him, a tender smile takes over her features. She can see what he busied himself with in her absence now. There's several shopping bags sitting underneath his chair from a variety of different stores. She can only assume he must have made his way to the shopping mall a couple miles down the road and spent the bulk of his time there, not in the hospital.

Kate squats down in front of him and sets both of her palms down gently upon his knees.

"Hey," she calls out to him, giving one of his knees a little shake. His body sways with the motion and he makes a low grumble deep in his throat, eyes twitching, but he doesn't rouse.

"Castle," she tries again, reaching a hand up to his face. Just before her skin makes contact with his, she halts her movements, realizing what she's doing again.

When and why did it become almost instinctive to touch his sleeping face?

Whatever the reason, whatever the thought behind the action, she's shaking it off. Just like her father said; too much thinking.

Time to act, be a little impulsive.

She doesn't caress his cheek this time. No, she gives him a couple light raps on the cheek with the palm of her hand, and then using a higher volume and sterner voice than before, "Wake up, you big lug."

Castle flinches at the contact, his eyes blinking open rapidly. When his vision focuses in on her in the way-too-bright hospital lighting, he looks down to see her looking up at him through her eyelashes, all smiles.

"Hey," he grumbles, more of an accusatory tone in reaction to the smack on his cheek than it is a greeting.

"Hey yourself."

"Don't abuse your partner in his sleep," he says gruffly, eyebrows knitted.

Kate scoffs at him, flicks his cheek with her index finger. He flinches again, but he's smiling, too.

"It's what you get for sending my favorite nurse after me," she huffs in reply.

"Oh, well if she's your favorite, I'm glad I sent her your way then."

Kate rolls her eyes and extends a hand to grab his ear with her fingers. "That was just mean, Castle."

"She says as she moves to abuse me more," he gibes and Kate wrenches just hard enough to elicit an "Apples, apples!" outcry from him.

The woman with the children across the room turns around scowling at them, hisses a sharp "Shhhhh!" with her finger pressed to her lips before pointing to the children in front of her. Kate just glares back at her until the woman turns away again. The kids aren't even paying attention to anything but the movie anyway. What's the big deal?

When she looks back at Castle, he's mouthing to her _'Ooh, you got in trouble'. _She gives him a hard look that says he deserved it as he reaches up to grab her hand away. She doesn't relinquish her hold on him just yet, though.

"Tell me you didn't think it was just a _little _bit funny," he pouts in a hushed voice, frowning down at her, fingers still intent on prying her away from his now tender cartilage and skin.

"She was terrified of me, Castle!" She's quieter than before, but the intensity is still there. Castle winces, preparing for pain again

After a few seconds, his body stiffens, goes rigid instead.

She's rubbing his earlobe between her thumb and index finger to soothe the ache she's left him with.

"But it gave me a chance to apologize to her, so thanks for that," she finishes, letting her hand slowly fall away from his grasp, return back to his knee momentarily.

His hand hangs in the air and he's nodding at her, acknowledging the words but unable to form any to reply back.

Kate Beckett was just fondling his ear affectionately.

Whoa.

The skin at his neck is flushed now, both ears buzzing and burning not from pain but from the simple pleasure of her gentle touch.

He has absolutely no complaints about it but...what the hell was that?

It's only once her palms push off his knees and she gets to her feet that he finds himself capable of coherent speech again.

"So uh, how'd everything go? With your Dad?" he stammers out, glancing at the nearby clock on the wall. "I thought you'd be in there longer."

"He kicked me out," she replies, as Castle moves to stand with her.

"What?" His eyebrow lifts at her curiously. "What do you mean he kicked you out?"

"Just what I said. We talked, we had lunch, watched some old sitcoms together and when they came in to take him back for a follow-up x-ray on his shoulder, he told me to go enjoy the rest of my day, call him later tonight."

"Huh."

"What, you want me to go back? I'll let you get back to snoozing on these nice soft chairs if that's what you want," she teases, poking at the thin cushioning on the chair he once occupied with her finger.

Castle is quick to shake his head no.

"No way. This works out great, actually. I have stuff for us to do," he says happily, a mischievous look in his eyes. "I went shopping. Procured a few items."

"Yes, I see that," she says as she tilts her head surveying the bags amassed beneath the chair. "But it'll be dark in a few hours."

"That's fine."

"You sure you want to drive home in the dark, Castle?"

"Huh? I'm not going home."

"What?"

"It's Christmas Eve, Kate."

"So?"

"I'm not leaving you alone on Christmas Eve."

Kate looks at him quizzically. "Castle, you have plans for Christmas with your family."

"Christmas is tomorrow. Tonight is Christmas Eve," he bends down, snatches up a couple of bags from beneath the chair. "And I'm spending it here. With you."

He's looking at her like he's waiting for a rebuke to protest against, but Kate just stares at him.

She's touched.

She wasn't expecting this, wasn't expecting it at all. She probably should have, at least with the whole not wanting to leave her by herself but...

It hits her then that he planned all of this from the get-go. Ever since she got off the phone with her dad this morning and found out Jim would be stuck in the hospital another day. Castle didn't feel shut out, wasn't pulling away from her. He gave her time with her dad so he could prepare her a nice Christmas Eve. So that she wouldn't have to spend it alone.

"So what'd you get, dare I ask?" she asks finally, breaking her gaze with him before it becomes too awkward and silent between them. Castle beams at her.

"See for yourself."

He grabs a couple of smaller bags, grocery store variety, and hands them to her. He reaches down for the remaining bags, slings the loops over his wrists to hold them all and gestures with his shoulder and a nod of his head towards the elevator. Kate begins perusing the contents of one of the bags in her hands as they start walking.

"What the...marshmallows, Hershey bars and graham crackers?" she says on a laugh.

"For s'mores, duh," Castle replies, as if it's not strange at all, then hits the down-button on the wall with his elbow.

"I know what s'mores are," she retorts, smacking him on the arm with the bag of marshmallows just as the elevator dings open.

They wait a moment for the occupants to vacate before stepping inside. Kate hits the button for the lobby and when the doors close, turns to find him up against the back wall of the elevator, rubbing his arm and frowning at her.

"So mean to me today," he grumbles.

She steps in closer to him, narrowing her eyes at him before grabbing a Hershey bar out of the bag and tearing it open. "Like you could be hurt by a bag filled with pillow-like confections," she says, snapping a section of the chocolate bar off, placing it into her mouth as she moves to stand beside him, her back to the wall, shoulder just brushing his upper arm.

He turns his head, scowls down at her. "Hey, those are for the—"

"Oh, please. You bought like ten. And we're not camping, Castle."

"No, but your dad has a fire pit, Kate. A _fire pit!_" he replies excitedly, the boy in him coming out in full-effect.

Kate's lips purse into a smile as she shakes her head at him amusedly. She snaps another piece of the chocolate bar off and offers it to him. He shrugs his arms.

"Hands full. You'll have to feed me," he says, making a show of dropping the loops of the plastic bags that were resting on his forearms down his wrists and into clenched fingers, effectively occupying his hands.

Looking down at her with that devilish glint in his eyes tells her that he's positive that she's either going to scoff at him and ignore his request or angrily shove the entire candy bar in his face. Probably banking on the latter.

But she does neither.

"Here then," she says, turning to him and moving her hand up, pressing the piece of chocolate gently into his lips until they part, allowing her to slide the small brick into his mouth, her thumb and forefinger brushing against his lips before clearing away.

She watches his larynx bob up and down as he gulps nervously at the chocolate melting on his tongue. His eyes stare at her with bewildered excitement because he seriously can't believe she just did that but is _so _thrilled that she did.

"Happy now?" she hums in question, the tone low and so irresistibly sexy to him. He nods up and down several times and has to suppress the growl that longs to escape, the impulse that's telling him to drop everything in his hands, slam a hand on the emergency stop button and pin her against the wall so he can ravage her mouth for more and give her a taste of his.

She feels cruel looking up into his darkening eyes that are so clearly lusting for her. He can't hide it, probably couldn't even if he tried. She feels it too, the want, the need, but more than anything right now, she feels a sense of accomplishment for being able to be so bold. It's a positive sign.

She _can _do this. She _is _doing it, gradual steps at a time.

But _they _can't do this yet. Not here, not right now, and she's thankful that Castle is respecting the boundary, as much as it's paining him to do so.

The elevator dings again, opening to the first floor lobby and she takes the lead, sashaying away from him as he dawdles behind, staring at her back in wonder, her hair swishing back and forth so hypnotizing. It's making the thoughts and fantasies in his mind run rampant at a mile a minute.

"Hurry up, Castle. I'm hungry," she calls over her shoulder and seeing that hint of a pleased smile on her face, he picks up his pace, trailing just behind her.

"Y-yeah", he sputters. "Me too."

They're both certain that neither one of them means just for food.


	11. Chapter 11

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 11**

* * *

><p>"You? Playing in the snow? Randomly bursting into song? Yeah, I'm just not seeing it."<p>

Kate has to laugh it off. Honestly, she can understand why he'd think that. It does seem rather unlikely and out of the ordinary for her, especially in this day and age. But Katie Beckett, or Becks as her friends would call her—she had a wild streak. He knew that already, learns more about it as time goes on when something gets slipped in a casual conversation that is usually brought on when he's talking about his own daughter.

Back in her early years, she was spunky girl, radiated optimism, and went after everything she wanted with passion and drive. Yes, Detective Kate Beckett was once just a simple, happy and carefree girl who drank in life and looked forward to growing up.

But at the end of her teenage years, she learned the harsh realities of the world, forcing her to grow up much sooner and too suddenly. She was stripped of her happiness, had her world turned upside-down overnight, and it would be years before a glimmer of light shone in the darkness of her life again, and many more years after that before a floodlight would bask the entire world with a luminous glow she'd never thought she'd ever see again.

That floodlight was Richard Castle, the man currently wandering around collecting kindling and firewood with her in the woods behind her father's cabin so that they can build a fire and he can roast marshmallows with her.

"Sounds crazy, but it's true. Sometimes Mom and I sang Christmas songs so much throughout the day that we drove my dad nuts." She laughs. "To this day, he still rolls his eyes and groans whenever he hears 'Jingle Bells' play on the radio."

"But that's one of the best ones!"

"I know, right!"

It was odd to her how...well..._not-_odd it felt to be sharing her past with him. The words were rolling out of her mouth without so much as a second thought and she didn't even care to hold back when she realized how much of herself she was letting out in the open. It felt natural even, to let him in on her memories, especially ones pertaining to time spent with her mother.

Rather than scouring through case files, mourning her death, they were now celebrating her mother's life.

And that, to Kate, felt so profoundly good.

"Think this is enough?" Castle's large arms are thoroughly stocked with a heap of fallen tree branches and short logs and Kate has to stifle a laugh when she thinks of how tree logger-esque he appears to her right now. She can just picture him in one of his plaid shirts with an axe in his hands, chopping away at trees.

"That'll do, Castle." She pats him on the shoulder. "It's just s'mores. Not a bonfire."

"Can we make it a bonfire?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Didn't the bear you met today tell you? Smokey wants us to prevent forest fires, not start them."

Castle throws the tinder down next to one of the large log benches by the fire pit. Kate takes a seat upon said log and tries to contain a smile and a laugh when she sees her partner peering curiously inside the stone pit. He has no idea what to do next.

"Hey, uh, Kate?"

"Mm?"

"You know, I've never actually done this before."

Nope, it's utterly impossible not to smile now.

"You don't say."

"My fireplaces have always run on natural gas."

Now it's impossible not to laugh. It's muffled behind the hand now covering her mouth, caught in her throat and being swallowed down but it's there, and it's just dying to come out.

"Hmm..." Castle hums, rubbing his chin between his thumb and forefinger. Then he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out his phone. "Maybe I'll consult Siri."

And that does it. She bursts into a hysterical fit of laughter.

"What the...Hey, what's so funny?" he mutters, fixing her with a snarl of a look. Kate doubles over, clutching at her stomach. "Sorry, but I've lived in New York City my entire life. I'm no boy scout, Beckett!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's just..haha.." Too damn funny, that's what it is. Consulting his smartphone to figure out how to accomplish a task that cavemen were able to do in prehistoric times. Oh, Castle. He's such a...

Before she even gets the opportunity to complete the thought, she's pelted in the shoulder with a ball of white that bursts upon contact and sends flurries of cold wetness into her face and hair.

"Did you just throw a snowball at me?" she snaps, wiping her hand across her cheek, forehead, eyes. She looks up to see Castle tossing another one up and down in his bare hand, eyes narrowed at her.

"I did. What are you going to do about it, Detective?"

"Is that a challenge, Mr. Castle?" she counters, rising to her feet, stepping toward him. He doesn't back down, continues to juggle the ball of ice into the air.

"You bet your pretty little face it was," he declares, poking her in the shoulder with his finger where the snowball made contact, flicking off the remnants that remain on the fabric of her coat. "It's all right though, I'd understand if you're not up to it. I know you don't have your power heels with you."

Castle steps even closer to make a show of their very obvious height difference and Kate purses her lips, giving the bottom one a little nip between her teeth before her tongue slides out to wet it. She tip-toes up close to him, smirks in his face.

"I don't need heels to take you down, Ricky."

"That so?" he prods, grinning wildly at her. Kate's eyes flick down to his lips before returning back to his eyes.

"Mhm."

"Okay," he prompts with a devilish smirk, then brings the hand with the snowball in it down onto her head, giving it a little swish to work it into her hair. She gasps, shudders at the cold sensation as it seeps into her scalp. She gapes at him.

"Prove it."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he's off running, scooping up more snow into his hands as he goes along. She whirls around and stands stunned for a moment as she watches him duck behind a tree. He pokes his head out to look at her.

"What's the matter, Kate? I thought you were gonna take me down?" he jeers from afar and that's all it takes for her to get going.

Stooping down below her, she scoops up a ball of snow in her hands, packing it tightly together. When she rises, she gives him a predatory look that has him cracking a wide, beaming smile back at her.

"Remember, Castle. You asked for it," she growls and then takes off after him.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, Castle is out of breath, panting behind a different but very similar looking tree somewhere off in the woods a short distance from the cabin. His approach up until now was to hurl snowballs as he ran past her. Quantity over quality of the throw. Kate, on the other hand, has taken a more subtle approach of quite literally hunting him down, opting for accuracy and making the shot count. She moves quietly, waiting for him to step on a branch, make a sudden movement, taunt her with a poorly thrown voice that gives away his position before moving in on him.<p>

She's been taunting him, too, of course, but mostly laughing at his antics. He keeps running from her, as he should. He knows what she's capable of if he gets too close. She'll lay him out flat in one swift movement.

And really, that's what she's waiting for; the opportunity to pounce like a tiger on her prey, catching him completely off-guard when he least suspects it. To hell with throwing snowballs from a distance; she's going to knock him on his ass and shovel snow onto him until he's shivering and begging for mercy.

With bare hands and being out in the elements for this long, they're both rather chilled already, though neither of them can really feel the extent of it yet with all the adrenaline rush and thrill of the chase going on.

"Hey, Kate," Castle calls out, and immediately she starts zoning in on his position. "It's not really much fun when you just lurk around like some creepy stalker. Live a little, will ya?"

There's silence for a moment, and then in a clearing just in front of him, she appears from behind a set of trees, completely out in the open, heading right for him with a slow, predacious stride in her step.

"What, and come barrelling out at you like you've been doing to me?" Her low tone and inflection sends a shiver down his spine.

He stands his ground, back to the tree, waits as she gets closer and closer yet.

"Something like that."

"You sound a little breathless, Castle."

She's just a few feet away now, and he grins when he realizes she's intent on coming right up to him to go in for the kill.

"Yeah?" he breathes, beckoning her closer until they're back to where they started this game: up close and personal.

"I guess it's because you take my breath away."

Kate freezes where she stands after he says it, and then he's reaching his hands above him to clutch at the branches of the lush tree. Several quick shakes and a white cloud of snow flurries comes raining down upon the both of them.

"Oh, jeez, Castle!" Kate shrieks amidst the shroud of white, and he laughs so heartily at her, she finds herself infected with his joy, laughing right along with him.

When the snow still continues to fall, albeit a little lighter than initially, Castle starts shaking his head to free himself from the flurries.

"Man, how much snow was in this damn tree?" he chuffs, peering above him. Kate follows his gaze and within seconds, both of them still.

Just a few feet above where Castle grabbed is a green cluster attached to the tree branches, now plainly visible with the snow shaken from it.

Castle looks down at Kate, as if to check and make sure he's not seeing things. She most definitely sees it, too, if the shocked expression on her face is any indication.

All right, no big deal, he thinks. He can just tease her a bit and then laugh this circumstance off. No need to make things awkward.

"What are the odds of that?" he comments, pointing upward with a grin. "Of all the tree trunks in all the woods, I walk under the one with mistletoe."

Referencing Casablanca. Shit. There goes trying to avoid making things awkward.

And yet...Kate seems unfazed.

"Yeah," she murmurs. "How about that?"

She's still staring up at it thoughtfully and Castle has no idea what to do, what to think about this predicament now. Is she just exuding calmness in the face of being freaked out, or...?

"One in one thousand, maybe?" he jabbers on nervously with a chuckle. "One hundred? Hell, I don't know. There's a lot of trees out here."

"Yeah, there are a lot of trees out here."

Okay, now she's freaking him out. She should be flustered, shoving him away, running out from beneath the parasitic green plant, not standing beneath it with him right in front of her. She can't possibly be wanting to...no.

No way. There's just no way.

"Kate?"

She lowers her head, looks over to him with a soft smile playing across her lips.

"What?" It's like the voice of an angel speaking to him how light her tone is.

"You're not...I mean, you don't...I'm not expecting you to..." Eloquent, Rick.

"I know," she replies gently, setting his heart at ease, if only for a moment. "But it's like you said, what are the odds?"

He has to study her a moment, swallow at the lump forming in his throat before he can even begin to form a reply.

"It's like we're actually beating them, you know?" she adds, voice just as gentle and collected as before.

"What are you saying, Kate?" he manages finally, looking down at her inquisitively, not quite following.

"The odds, Castle. We're beating the odds."

Oh. Oh wow. If that's not an invitation to kiss her, he's not sure what else would be.

Stepping closer to her, heart beating fast in his chest, he sets his palms down on her shoulders, fixes her with a questioning look.

"Are you sure?" he asks cautiously, taking another glance up at the tree before settling his eyes back down on hers.

Kate's eyes close as she takes a long breath in, lets it billow out of her slowly on the exhale as she opens them again. She looks down at his waistline as her hands settle along his hips, fingers grasping into the fabric of his jacket. Her eyes wander up his chest, back to his face and once their eyes meet again, she wordlessly gives her consent.

Castle swallows hard, tries to remember the last time he'd ever felt so nervous at the prospect of kissing a woman. It was probably back in a time when he was kissing girls as a young boy, not as a grown man kissing any women.

But this is Kate Beckett. She's not just any woman; she's the woman he loves. The woman he's pined for, stood by through thick and thin, and has been waiting patiently for as she pulls herself together again.

Slowly, his hands rise from her shoulders and cup along her cheeks. Stroking a thumb just along her jawline, he watches as her eyes close to his touch, then flutter back open again.

As he leans in to her though, and his thumb brushes along her lower lip, he feels her shiver, sees her lip quivering.

He pulls back, leaving Kate wide-eyed and confused.

"Castle?"

"You're trembling." His fingers brush along her cheek. "I can't do it. Not with you trembling in my hands."

Kate's eyes close again, a soft smile returning to her lips. Releasing his jacket from within her grasp, she reaches up to cup her hands over his, hold him there as she leans into one, nestling into it gently. Her eyes open, look into his longingly.

"Just cold, Castle," she murmurs softly. "Warm me up?"

"I think I can manage that," he whispers back to her with a smile. Stepping in just slightly, he bends down, descending upon her. He catches a glimpse of her beautiful smile as their eyes close, and is pleasantly surprised when she pulls him down, closes the rest of the gap between them, her lips at long last sealing over his.


	12. Chapter 12

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 12**

* * *

><p>This all went so differently the first time around.<p>

What started as a ruse to get past an armed guard quickly turned into something else entirely. Effective ruse as it was, that first kiss was fervent. Could you even count it as a first kiss? They never brought it up, never talked about it. Actually, scratch that. They did, only they had been arguing about _not _bringing it up, about _not _talking about it.

And now, here we are again, only different circumstances, no pretenses.

It's a kiss drawn forth from the pent up feelings of hurt and rejection, the years of want and desire, of banter and teasing and dancing around the issue, the attraction that has been there from the very beginning. All of it culminating in this act of pure love and affection.

In comparison to their first impassioned kiss, this second one is simple, chaste; a gentle touch of her mouth to his that lingers as they stand forehead to forehead, seeing and feeling each other's hot breath as they breathe through it. He crowds his body in closer to her, hands dropping to her waist to pull her against him, as though he's afraid she'll disappear if he lets go. As if she's a phantom, a figment of his wild imagination, and that he's merely daydreaming.

In all honestly, he's half-expecting her to have second thoughts, shove him off and run away. How can he not? It's never worked out before. Every time they've gotten close, they've been inevitably ripped apart again. Who's to say this time won't be any different?

"Castle."

His eyes lift to hers at the sound of her low, husky voice and with one look into her eyes, he realizes it:

This time is different. This time will not be the same. Not if Kate Beckett intends to have it her way.

He's inclined to not refuse her wishes.

"Do you remember what you said to me?" she asks, her voice a soft and sensual whisper that makes his heart beat rapidly in his chest. He gulps down some air, finds that his mouth has gone dry. He has trouble forming a coherent response.

"What I said?" he repeats back, the best he can do right now.

"Before."

Her nose brushes along his, and he feels her fingers playing in his hair, fingertips tracing along the outer shell of one of his ears. He shivers. Whether it's from the cold, her touch, or a combination of the two, he doesn't know. Doesn't care. Doesn't matter right now.

What she just said matters. Focus, Castle.

What he said. Before. What did he say? Has he said something? He hasn't said...wait.

This summer? Is she talking about the cemetery?

"You...remember that?" he rasps out, a little breathlessly. She quirks her brow curiously at him then gives him a little smirk.

What happens next transpires in a blur to him after the words, "How could I forget?" leave her mouth.

One second he's on his feet, the next they're flying out from under him. His back hits the snow-covered ground, he huffs out an "Oomph!" and then Kate is on top of him. Her legs are straddled along his hips, one fist clenched into the lapel of his jacket while the other hand scoops up snow beside his upper arm. She smirks down at him again as he struggles to suck in a breath, regain the wind she's knocked out of him.

"Took you down," she grins, a hint of pride and accomplishment laced in that husky voice of hers as she shovels the handful of snow atop his head, mussing it into his already disheveled copper locks of hair.

All he can do for a minute is blink back up at her, dazed.

Right. What he said. Challenging her to take him down. That's what she meant.

"Damn," he manages, when the air finally returns to his lungs. "When I said you take my breath away, I didn't mean to literally do it."

She snorts out a little laugh, slides her palm down to brush along his hairline where the snow-saturated strands have drooped forward and stuck to the skin on his forehead.

"Did I hurt you?" she asks apologetically, running her fingers through his wet hair.

"Eh, I'll be okay. Landed on the world's largest icepack."

"Sorry," she says softly, bending down to place a kiss just above his brow. "I'll be more gentle next time."

When she pulls back, his eyes are intent on hers and have visibly darkened. Her fault. Completely her fault with that tone of voice and those words. She doesn't regret it though. Not a bit of it. She would happily say it again to get that reaction out of him. Those eyes are on her now. Only for her. He only wants her, and that's exactly what she wants.

Just as the trace of a smile begins to make it's way onto her lips, his hand flies up to cup behind her head and she gasps as his fingers twist in the lengths of her hair. He tugs her down to him, wild-eyed, ferocious.

"Not _too _gentle, I hope."

He pauses, stares her down from just a breath away, and that one simmering look between them is enough to ignite a fire straight down to their cores. He crashes his lips to hers in a hot kiss and Kate sucks in a gasp of a breath when he rolls her over, flipping their positions so that he can assume control. His body presses hard into her and she probably couldn't get up even if she made a serious effort to try to.

He alternates been nipping and sucking on her lower lip before seeking entrance into her mouth. As his tongue makes it's way across the seal of her lips, she opens to him eagerly and moans as he plunders his way in, tasting and sampling every lavish essence of her to be found inside.

Castle rasps breathlessly when he has to break away for air. His mouth stays hovering just above hers, barely touching, and he can feel her lips as they turn upward into a smile. It makes him grin like a fool. He's always wanted her. Always, from the very beginning. But she wants him, too. It's not one-sided. She's a willing participant in this, she's beckoning for him, and he couldn't be more over the moon about it.

It's different this time. Finally, finally they're on the same page.

He kisses his way down her jawline, relishing in the way that Kate's neck cranes, how her head lolls and tilts backward at his touch, at the feel of him loving on her. She shivers under his lips, and then, unexpectedly, her hands come up beneath him and push onto his chest.

"Castle, wait."

Wait, she says. Oh no. He knew it was too good to be true.

Startled, hastily he rolls off of her, backs away.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm stopping. Too much, too soon. I know," he says hurriedly in a single breath, kneeling just above her.

"No, not—Castle, hey."

Her hand reaches out to grab the fabric of his coat at his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. She sits up, faces him.

"Not what I meant."

"N-not...?" he stammers out, his nerves, the snow and frigid air nipping at his exposed skin.

Kate reaches out for him, curls her cold fingers at his neck and pulls him to her.

"Freezing," she murmurs against his lips, and he can feel the shudder of her breath, the tremble in her muscles and bones, the chatter of her teeth. "Gonna catch fr-frostbite."

He lets out an audible sigh of relief, a breathy rasp of air mixed in a relieved chuckle.

"I've seen you frozen once before," he tells her. "Not too keen on it happening again."

"I told you to warm me up," she jeers, tugging lightly on his earlobe. "Now I'm covered in snow."

"And who's fault is that?" he laughs. "Hell of a leg sweep you pulled on me earlier."

"Mm, you like that?"

He nods enthusiastically.

"Could think of some better uses for it, though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He bends forward, places a kiss at the corner of her mouth and scoops her into his arms in as smooth an action as he can manage. He isn't surprised when she immediately starts to squirm in protest while he moves to stand upright.

"I can walk, Castle," she huffs at him, independent as ever, even when he tries to be chivalrous.

He holds onto her tightly, keeps on walking.

"I'm only doing what you told me to. Keeping you warm."

"Only because I told you to?" she says playfully, fiddling with the collar of his shirt that is poking out from beneath his jacket.

"That," he nods, "and after what we went through earlier this year, I don't like seeing you shiver."

He glances down at her to find her peering back up at him through her eyelashes. She's sincerely moved by the sentiment.

"Unless, of course, you're shivering under my touch," he adds in quickly, his roguish grin making her body melt into his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

**Reminiscence **

**Chapter 13**

* * *

><p>Kate sits by the fireplace, body bundled up in two layers of blankets draped over her shoulders, bare feet and hands angled toward the crackling flame just behind the metal fire screen. She watches wistfully as the fire dances in front of her, swaying left and right, always haphazardly switching directions, never remaining in the same shape for very long. Occasionally it sputters with a bright flame when it burns into a trail of tree sap or the remnants of a leaf, other times it dims with a slow burn until reigniting when it's fed by a new section of the log. The sight of it feels so familiar to her.<p>

"Warm now?"

Castle appears beside her, nudging a mug of hot cocoa into her hands. Just another one of the many items he'd gotten on his little shopping spree this morning, and one that she accepts from him readily.

"Mhm," she hums as he takes a seat beside her. "Very much so."

"Another s'more?" he asks, dangling the bag of marshmallows in front of her.

"No, I'm good. Thank you, though."

They sit quietly for a moment, basking in the orange glow, and then Castle turns to her, a question in his eyes, one not yet making it's way to his lips.

She tilts her head toward him, looks at him expectantly. His mouth opens, closes. He shakes his head.

"What?" she prompts, shifting her cloaked body around to face him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something," she notes. "It's written all over your face."

"Really, it's not that important. Just me being ridiculous."

"That's nothing new."

"Kate—"

He draws out her name on a whine of a voice, shifts nervously under her gaze. She reaches her hand out, sets it over his and turns back to the fire, still dancing powerfully in front of them.

"Tell me anyway."

He takes her hand in his, follows her line of sight to the orange flame.

"This," he starts, squeezing her hand lightly. "This isn't going to be one of those things we do and never talk about again, is it?"

Her eyes arc back to him, flicking briefly down to his mouth and back up to his eyes.

"No," she says resolutely, squeezing back. "Actually I...I want to talk about this. Us."

"You do?"

He turns to meet her eyes again, a bit thrown when he finds her pulling her hand from his, shifting uncomfortably now under his watchful eye.

"There's things I need to say, things that I should have told you a long time ago," she takes a deep breath, dips her chin down onto the knee she's curled up into her chest.

"Things you might hate me for."

Castle licks his lips, swallows nervously.

"Hate you—? What is that supposed to mean, Kate?"

She's gone over this scenario in her head hundreds of times over the past several months. She's come up with dozens of what-if's and possible fallouts. None of them good. Not even remotely. How can she soften the blow? How can she give him the honest truth without shattering his heart?

She can't. Can't come up with a single solution.

'_The truth can never hurt you.'_

God, she hopes her mother is right on this one.

She sets her mug down, turns to him, palms flat against her thighs she's now crossed in front of her. She holds herself steady, then lets the truth be set free.

"I heard you."

He stares at her blankly.

"I didn't say any—"

"When I was shot. When I was on the grass in your arms. I heard you. I heard everything."

The realization sinks into his features then, his eyes going wide, his jaw falling slack.

"You remember?"

"Not what I said."

"You never forgot." Not a question.

"Last memory before I passed out, first memory when I woke up."

Their next words come out in unison.

"I lied to you—"

"You lied to me—"

"I knew it."

Kate stiffens, chances a look up to his eyes but quickly turns them down again, shamefully.

He runs a hand down his face, scratches anxiously at the hairs at the back of his head. Then he rocks forward, stands.

She was expecting this. It's just one of many outcomes she'd conjured up in her head. He's going to get up and leave. Storm out of here, angry as hell.

"Go ahead. Yell at me."

"What?"

"Don't hold back. I deserve it," she says dejectedly.

His mouth goes slack.

"What are you—Kate, I'm not going to yell at you."

"You should. You have every right to be angry with me."

"I'm not angry."

She snaps her eyes back up to him in surprise. Not angry? Bull. He has to be. That's not—

"How...is that even possible?"

"I've had my suspicions for a while now."

He's had his suspicions. He's not angry.

The calmness in his voice is unnerving.

"How...?" she repeats, the only word she can consciously recall, only thing she can verbalize.

"I was furious with you, those three months. And it hurt. It still hurts, but—"

"I never wanted to hurt you," she interjects then, shaky fingers grabbing onto his pant leg, still damp with snow.

"I know that's exactly what I did by pretending I didn't remember, that I didn't hear you, but Castle I..."

"I know," he says gently, kneeling back down, cupping a hand to her cheek.

She stares at him in disbelief.

What?

"You tried to tell me what you were feeling, what you were going through. I just didn't hear you. What you really meant, what you were really trying to say to me. I couldn't see the full picture. Not until we started working together again. Not for a while."

They had never talked about that either, but thinking about it now, there's no way he could have missed it. If she didn't remember the shooting, being shot, how would her PTSD have manifested in the face of a gun pointed at her? And especially so strongly in the sniper case?

He's suspected all this time, even when she kept lying to him. He still said nothing. Never pushed. Just waited, supported her however he could.

"I was angry over the summer, madder than hell at you. I was still mad when you showed up at my book signing. I was a mess those three months apart but then there you were again, trying so hard not to break when everything was still tearing you apart."

He brings his lips to her forehead, kisses her softly, lingers.

"I didn't then, but I get it now, Kate. Maybe not completely, but I do."

She feels the need to explain now, best as she can.

"Montgomery was dead. I almost died, too and the guy who shot me is still out there," she sighs, smiles glumly, apologetically. "And I was still hiding behind Josh with you there, holding out for something I couldn't give you. Something I couldn't reciprocate yet."

He nods, understanding.

"You needed time to figure everything out." He laughs wryly. "A lot of time."

"I'm so sorry. If I could—"

Castle shakes his head, brushes back strands of hair behind her ear.

"What about now? What's different now? Where do we go from here?"

She looks at him thoughtfully.

"Now I...I want to change."

"What do you mean?"

"I've just been walking around as this shell of my former self, this incomplete mess of a person, making selfish decisions and hurting all the people around me. I run and I hide. It's all I've ever known to cope when I'm hurt, when I'm scared."

The blankets fall off her shoulders as she darts out of them, gripping the lapels of his jacket tightly and pulling herself flush against him.

"I'm all twisted up inside, Castle, but I don't want to go back down that rabbit hole anymore."

His arms come up around her, enveloping her body.

"So, your mother's case? You don't...you're not going to pursue it anymore?"

She shakes her head.

"I want to solve my mom's murder. I want to give her the justice she deserves."

Castle's eyes widen when she lifts up, nestles in close to his cheek.

"But not at the expense of my life. I want to be whole again. To be happy."

She brushes her lips across his skin, stopping just above his unsuspecting mouth.

"You make me happy," she murmurs against his lips before she slants hers over them.

Castle curls an arm around her lower back and gently eases her back onto the blanketed floor as they kiss.

"This is so surreal," she whispers when they pull apart.

"Hmm?"

"Of all the possible outcomes I thought of coming clean to you, I never dreamed this would be the one."

Castle laughs, gives her a quick peck on the lips.

"What, do you really want me to stomp out the door in an angry tirade?"

"No. Well, yes." She laughs, too. "Sort of?"

"I'll do it if it makes you happy."

"Castle I just...I want you to be sure. I don't want you to have any doubts about me after what I did. I want us to be happy. Together."

Sliding off to the side of her, his elbow to the floor, he props his chin up with his hand. Curling a finger in a ringlet of hair that frames the side of her face, he looks down upon her affectionately. So beautiful, this woman before him. So beautiful and all his.

"Just answer me one question, Kate. Confirm something for me."

"Anything."

Whatever it is, she'll answer it. No holding back. Absolute honesty now.

"You know I love you." Her heart flutters at his words. "Do you love me?"

There isn't a moment of hesitation, not even the briefest fraction of time before the answer lights up on her face. It starts in her eyes, ends in the beaming, uninhibited smile, teeth and all.

"With all my heart," she admits honestly, "Mangled and torn up as it is, I do. I love you, Rick. I love you."

He sinks back down to her, foreheads and noses bumping, arms cradling her sides as she folds her own around his neck, burrowing into the soft flesh beneath his chin. They both sigh contentedly, wrapped around each other.

"Then I'm the happiest man alive," he says before he leans in to kiss her with every ounce of that joy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 14**

* * *

><p>In light of Kate telling him the truth and what she said to him about her mother's case, Castle decides to come forward about the smart board and the mystery man he spoke with. She spilled her heart out to him, then handed it over on a silver platter, expecting the worst reaction possible out of him. He owed her the truth and couldn't live with himself if they started this—whatever <em>this <em>is between them now—with him still carrying that secret. She wanted him to be sure about her. It was only right that she was completely sure about him, too.

He confronts her in the kitchen after they finish eating dinner. Some part of him had hoped that the meal they cooked together, and the distraction of washing dishes with him might lessen her reaction but he was naive. She gets upset. Furiously upset. Kate startles so bad to his admission of working on her mother's case that she drops a glass into the sink, shattering it into pieces.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

She whirls on him immediately, pinning him up against the refrigerator door, jabbing him in the chest with an angry, accusatory finger. He stays quiet, lets her get it all out without saying a word in his defense because it becomes implicitly clear that she's not upset that he kept the truth from her; she's mad that he kept working on the case alone, risking putting a target on his back now instead of where it has been on hers.

"Why? How could you make me walk away and do this behind my back? Answer me, damn you! Castle!"

She very nearly breaks down and that's when he finally speaks up.

"It was the only way I knew how to protect you," he explains in a quiet tone, a stark contrast to her emotional state. He grabs the hand she assaulted him with and wraps his hand around her wrist, tugging her forward and into his arms.

Then she's merely fighting back her tears and not the urge to pummel some sense into him.

"I won't lose you, Kate." His voice is stern, his words firm and resolute. "Not again."

"You idiot," she says into his chest. "Do you think I could handle losing you? Watching you die?"

He stiffens, tightens his grip on her.

"The thought makes me nauseous, Castle. Physically sick. It scared the shit out of me when that bank exploded, and that was just you in the wrong place at the wrong time. Investigating my mom's murder has you willingly painting a target on your back!"

"I know. I know it does, and you're right. I've been putting myself in danger. But I won't apologize for trying to keep you safe. For trying to keep you alive."

"_Castle_," she grinds out in a frustrated breath, gripping the collar of his shirt tightly, fixing him with a serious and haunted look.

"Don't you get it? It pains me to even say it but I can't do it. Not alone. Nothing works without you. Not my mom's case, not my job, not the rest of my life. Not anymore."

"You think I don't feel the same way? Kate, nothing is the same without you. It hasn't been for years. And that's why I—"

"Then stand down, Castle. If you feel the same way I do, then walk away from it like you made me do."

"Kate."

"If either of us works on it again, we'll do it together. Not alone. Because I can't lose you, too."

They both fall quiet for a moment, eyes locked, thoughts and feelings transmitted through their gaze.

"All right," he nods in defeat.

She slides the palm of her hands up his chest and then to his cheeks. Her forehead comes to rest against his chin and she closes her eyes.

"Promise me, Rick." She kisses his throat and he tightens his arms around her, as though he can't pull her close enough. "Promise me."

"I promise, Kate," he says, tilting so that his cheek rests on the crown of her skull. "I won't do anything further without you."

* * *

><p>After a reconciliatory bout of urgent, passionate kissing that is somehow multi-tasked and flawlessly executed with kitchen cleanup, Castle hops into the shower and Kate decides that the brief time alone would be an opportune moment for calling her dad.<p>

"You sound so happy, Katie. Something happen?"

It's the first sentence out of his mouth after she tells him hello, and Kate has to wonder if her voice is really giving off so much emotion.

"Do I?"

"Like a kid about to open presents under the tree. What were you up to today?"

So much, Dad, she thinks. So very much, and some things not at all appropriate to speak of. Not to him, anyway.

"A lot happened today. Still trying to process it all, I guess."

"Sounds like you're processing it just fine to me. What happened was good, I take it?"

"Mhm," she hums, twirling a finger through her hair. "Mostly."

"Come on, Katie. Do I really need to ask you flat out so you'll stop beating around the bush?"

She laughs, throwing her head back against the couch. She glances over at hers and Castle's shoes sitting by the fireplace, her coat and his jacket both draped over a kitchen chair a few feet away. The heat of the fire has probably dried away all of the moisture but the memories of being out in the snow in them together will be etched in the fabric forever.

"Dad, I told him," she says, a smile breaking across her face as the words leave her. "I told him everything."

"You did?"

"I did."

Jim waits a beat for her to go on and explain but she doesn't. Her eyes are closed, her mouth a closed smile while her mind replays the memories of the past few hours.

"And everything is fine?" he prompts. Honestly, this daughter of his. Even as her father, getting answers out of her is a difficult task.

"I think—" she pauses, is thoughtful a moment. "I think we are. Will be. We're in a good place now."

"I'm happy for you, Katie."

"Yeah," her words trail off with a contented sigh. "Dad, I'm happy, too."

* * *

><p>Just after she finishes telling her father about Castle's smart board, Castle himself steps into the room, fresh from his shower and decked out in a tight fitting black tank top and Batman pajama pants.<p>

Yes. Batman.

She has to cover her mouth with the back of her hand to help stifle the laughter that wants to bubble out of her and to hide the smile plastered on her face at the sight of him. He always looks good to her but straight out of the shower, hair still wet, skin glistening and quite literally steaming from the heat of his body hitting the cold air—not to mention clad in, of all things, pajama pants with the Bat Signal all over them.

Honestly, this man.

"Katie, are you still there?" Jim asks for the third time and Kate finally snaps back to attention with her phone, though her eyes don't leave Castle for a second. He makes his way across the room toward her, grinning knowingly.

"Yeah, sorry. Just got a little distracted. What were you saying, Dad?"

He walks up behind her, draping his arms over the back of the couch and around her neck. He presses a kiss to her temple and her eyes close at his touch. She smiles, reaching her free hand up to stroke the skin of his cheek. No more stubble. He must've bought a razor to shave with today.

"Distracted? By what?" Castle whispers into her ear, and she can tell by the sound of it that he's still grinning from ear to ear. "Or should I say _by_ _whom_?"

She shoves his head back with the heel of her hand, attempting to give him a glare but her face breaks into a smile anyway once his hand captures hers and his lips begin feathering kisses along her knuckles.

"Yeah, I'll probably leave here a quarter after nine. Should be plenty of time to get you out of there at discharge, right?" Kate says into her phone, eyes still watching Castle carefully.

He releases her hand to circle back around the couch and take a seat beside her and he lifts her legs up, turning and tugging her halfway into his lap. She grabs a bit of the loose fabric of his pants at his thigh between her fingers and gives him a questioning a look.

He shrugs, mouthing _"What?"_ before more audibly, "You don't like 'em?"

She shakes her head at him and twines her fingers with his. Sure, it's a little odd seeing a grown man in something you'd normally expect to see worn by kids, not a man in his early forties, but he's just a big geeky kid himself at heart. That's just another facet of him that she's grown to love.

Actually, that's probably a part of him she fell for and warmed up to first—that boyish charm and youthful cheer. For a girl who had to grow up too fast and was a miserable wreck throughout her twenties, having Castle suddenly push himself into her life after ten years of darkness and bring with him some much needed laughter and fun—it was a blessing.

As if they weren't already perfect for each other in many other ways, sharing a love for comics and science fiction is just another aspect of their lives that had been discovered in the past year. She wonders what more they'll discover they have in common now that they're growing even closer than ever before.

Castle's brow furrows while he watches her watching him. She's engaged in a conversation with her father, but just mostly listening and replying with one word responses and hums. He can tell that she's thinking about him—about them—and it makes his heart hammer in his chest being able to see it in her eyes. How the wheels are turning, unable to turn it off and refocus.

He can't help himself. Not with the way she's looking at him; that look of love again. Curling one arm around the legs across his lap and reaching the other along the back of the couch for leverage, he leans over to her, his lips ghosting over hers.

She shivers.

"Dad, I—" she starts, and then Castle is feathering kisses down her jawline, making her suck in an unsteady breath. "I think I'm gonna go. It's getting late and you should get a good night's rest before you come home."

Castle lifts his eyes to hers again, smiling when he sees the effect he has on her. Part of him feels bad for cutting into this father-daughter time he had been encouraging earlier in the day but really, the urge is too strong. It's been a long time coming and even if they're still moving slow, he doesn't want to waste another minute of it. Waste another minute that could be spent loving her.

And if Kate's reaction to him is anything to go by—the hitch in her breathing, the quiver in her voice, the tremble in her body—it's the same for her, too.

"All right, I'll see you tomorrow morning, Dad."

Castle's eyes darken when her free hand firmly grips into the fabric of his tank top as she says her parting words into the phone before ending the call—"I love you."

Kate reaches over to the coffee table to drop her phone and Castle shifts from beneath her legs, maneuvering his body so that he's instead crawling over on top of her. His hands and knees are planted on each side of her, bracing and holding his weight with Kate laying on her back directly beneath him, her head propped up on the arm of the couch.

"Was that said to him or to me?" he asks, his voice a throaty whisper.

"Both of you," she replies, tugging him down to meet her lips. "But I mean it a little different between you two."

"Oh?" He pauses above her, their breath mingling. She looks up at him through her eyelashes, nods.

"How so?"

"You know," she says simply, palming his cheek, brushing his nose with hers.

"I do, but I still want to hear you say it."

She rolls her eyes, just a little bit, and smiles at him. He gives one right back to her.

"Because I'm _in _love with you. There, happy now?"

"I'm happier every time I hear those words leave your lips."

Now she gives him a real eye roll.

"You're such a sap, you know that?"

"You love it."

"No, I love you."

"Ahh. Plus one to personal happiness level."

"Shut up and kiss me, Castle."

* * *

><p>Twenty minute later, Kate emerges from her own shower clothed in some duds that, again, were something Castle picked up on impulse at the mall this morning: a Wonder Woman t-shirt and another pair of Batman pajama pants.<p>

He stopped her from raiding her father's closet for more clothing, saying that he had a present for her. When he went through his bags of acquired stuff to hand her the shirt and pants, she gave him a bemused and curious look.

"What? You said you liked Elektra, but they didn't have any shirts with her on it. And since I figured you'd probably kill me if I bought you lingerie or something fancy, I went with Wonder Woman."

She lifted her eyebrow to that with a smirk. Yeah, she probably would have had some choice words for him had he pulled something like that out of the bag considering he'd gone shopping long before either of their confessions came out.

"Smart boy. I do like Wonder Woman, and Batman," she says to him, then holds the pants up at her waistline. "But the pants are huge, Castle. They'll never fit me."

"Oh. Wait, those ones are mine."

Kate slapped a hand to her forehead and tried very hard to contain her laughter as he reached back into the bag and pulled out a much smaller pair of the same exact pants.

"Here. I got myself two pairs." He grins sheepishly. "Initially I was just going to shop for myself, but then I remembered you didn't have any clothes with you, either. They didn't have many options in adult sizes for pants so I just grabbed these. We'll just have a matching set."

She flicked his cheek with her finger, then, lifting up on her toes, kissed him in the same spot.

"Thank you for thinking of me. Very sweet of you, Castle."

His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "I try."

As she sauntered away from him and into the bathroom, she called to him over her shoulder.

"Oh, and Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"Next time you decide to go shopping for sleepwear for me, let me know so I can come with you. Maybe I'll show you some of the more intimate apparel I like."

The look on his face as she turned the corner—priceless.

She sort of wished she had something along those lines at present, just to see him squirm not just at the thought of her body in lingerie, but at the sight of her in it, too. But a Wonder Woman and Batman combo would have to do for now. The time for more intimate apparel and intimate moments could wait until a night when they were certain they were ready for it. Tonight would not be that night.

Exiting the hallway, she found him curled up on the couch, messing with his phone as usual, but with the television turned on and showing the DVD title screen for _It's a Wonderful Life_, the remote control for a DVD player seated upon his thigh.

"You bought a DVD player, too?" she asked, settling herself in beside him. He immediately set his phone down and draped an arm around her shoulders, tugging her close.

"Yeah. It's my Christmas Eve tradition to watch this." He held up the DVD case, wiggled it in the air a couple times before setting it back down.

"With Alexis, right?"

"Yeah, though she wasn't going to be partaking this year. It just doesn't feel right not watching it at all. But we don't have to watch it if you don't want to."

"I don't mind, Castle. I'd love to watch it with you."

He leans in, taking her mouth with his and she parts, lets him in. His kiss is soft and tender, but so warm and full of passion all the same.

"I love you," he says quietly as Kate takes the remote control and presses the play button.

* * *

><p>They sit on the floor together while the movie plays, Castle's back to the couch, Kate in the V of his legs, arms wrapped at her waist, blankets covering them from the middle down. When George Bailey talks about giving Mary the moon, Castle recites along with him into Kate's ear with a little creative flair, naturally.<p>

"What is it you want, Kate? What do you want? You want the moon? I can't pull it down, but I've got property on the moon. A nice stretch of land in the Nectaris Basin."

She smiles and knocks her cheek into his, laughing. "So you've told me."

"I'll give you my property on the moon, Kate. What do you say?"

She tucks her head under his chin, looks contemplative for a quiet moment before answering him. Her response makes him grin, kiss her and hug her tighter.

"I'll take it, as long as it comes with you."

"Deal."

* * *

><p>By the end of the movie, they somehow end up tangled in the blankets on the floor, feet resting upon the skirt beneath the Christmas tree. The glow from the smoldering embers inside the fireplace on the opposite side of the room makes the ornaments adorning the tree shimmer and illuminate the living room walls with a soft glimmer of light in multiple colors.<p>

They haven't said much to each other since turning the TV off, finding that actions truly are speaking louder for them than words ever could. They always have. The two of them had danced around verbalizing their feelings for each other for so long, but the looks, the touches, the hugs and kisses—even though the latter two were in much fewer a quantity than the former two—they all said the same thing; they spoke of the unspoken, the love between them.

But that love is unspoken no longer.

Curled up together in their Batman pajama pants and matching looks of pure adoration, they cuddle and they smile; they hug and they hold. Her fingers trail along his smooth jawline down to his chin and she plays with hairs at the nape of his neck. With his hair mussed, he looks so much younger to her.

His eyes never leave hers as he runs his hand down the length of her side, stopping at her hip and rising back up again. When her shirt rode up as they moved from sitting to lying on the floor, he'd caught a glimpse of the scar along her side where they'd spread her ribs and cut into her thoracic cavity to repair the damage caused by the bullet that pierced her chest.

Between the clench of his jaw, the shudder through his body, and the absolute necessity to hold onto her tighter, she knew that he'd seen it. He didn't have to say it, but she also knew it had brought on some latent guilt in him from not being able to save her, to tackle her fast enough from the bullet's path and spare her from the pain and the two puckered scars on her body that would be with her the rest of her life.

But rather than use words that she was certain would never convince him otherwise that he wasn't at fault, she grabbed his hand, kissed his palm, twined her fingers with his and replaced it under her shirt over the healed wound, letting her touch speak the words for her:

_This scar is proof that I'm alive. A reminder of the day you said you loved me. I'm here with you now, and I'm not going anywhere._

When he kissed her lips and tugged her close, she knew he'd gotten the message.

* * *

><p>"It's getting late, huh?" Castle says, finally breaking their extended silence as the last of the smoldering red glow of embers in the fireplace wither away to black. It leaves the room in darkness except for the low lighting of the moon outside.<p>

"Tired?" she asks him, and her voice comes out a little lower and drowsy, making her realize how sleepy she is, too.

She glances at the wall clock, the hands barely visible in the dim lighting. It's close to midnight already, meaning she's been up around nineteen hours now, give or take. She's done far worse before, and with a heavy workload at the precinct to boot, but the past two days have really drained her, for obvious reasons.

"Stay with me," he says suddenly, rather than answering her question. He brushes his lips over her shoulder, his thumb rubbing in circles over the scar on her side. "Tonight."

She shifts in his arms, watching him thoughtfully.

"We don't have to do anything. I just want to hold you close in my arms like this."

"Castle," she draws out his name breathlessly.

"I'm being clingy, I know. But I just—"

"Castle," she tries again, this time more fervently, and it catches his attention.

"Yes, Kate?"

She gives him an amused quirk of her lips at his obedience and nods her head toward the couch.

"Grab the pillows? Unless you want to wake up with a kink in your neck."

Her word choice makes him grin.

"Well, I've certainly woken up in far worse and a lot kinkier circumstances with you before. One of them just a couple weeks ago..."

She gives him a shove but she's compressing a smile, too. A maybe a little blush, as well.

"Will you just get the pillows already, Castle? Jeez."

"Right. Pillows. On it."

He untangles himself from the blankets and hastily retrieves two pillows from the couch, tossing one to Kate, which she sinks into immediately. Returning to her, Castle slides back under the blankets and holds his arm up so that she can settle her back into his chest. One of his knees bumps between her thighs and he drapes an arm around her waist, her own arm coming to rest above it, her fingers intertwining with his to hold him there.

They fit well together.

"Hey, Kate?" Castle says into her ear, his warm breath tickling her skin, making her curl into him.

"Yeah?"

"It's midnight."

She lifts her eyes to the wall clock again and sees that it's has indeed struck midnight. It's officially Christmas morning.

His lips graze her ear and she turns in his arms slightly, reaching to meet him. His kiss is warm and languid, and though it doesn't last long, when they break away from each other, they linger.

"Merry Christmas, Kate."

"Merry Christmas, Rick."

When they settle back into each other's arms, it doesn't take long for sleep to claim them both.


	15. Chapter 15

**Reminiscence**

**Chapter 15 (Final)**

* * *

><p>It's a deja vu experience for Kate Beckett when she awakens on Christmas morning. Her eyes blink rapidly against the morning sunlight that shines unobstructed through the large living room windows of her father's cabin and she finds herself burrowing further under the blankets, shielding her eyes and curling into the warmth of the sleeping body next to hers.<p>

The sleeping body of none other than Richard Castle, of course, and without the help of a needle and some very potent medication to knock the two of them out this time. No, they managed it all on their own this time, someway, somehow. No sense trying to _make _sense of the past two days in a sleepy haze though. It was time to let her mind rest and just feel, just be. With him.

They'd not even bothered closing the shutters and curtains the night before. Too content to move, too worry-free to care. Just satisfied with the new discoveries that this newfound dynamic was slowly unfolding for them. Sleeping together but _not _sleeping together. Just being together.

Finally, finally together.

No longer will they be just friends or partners; they're more. Maybe they haven't found the correct label for it, maybe they won't for a while, if any label is necessary at all, but one thing is for certain: They're more than they were yesterday and, she thinks, a little less than they will be tomorrow.

Oh, Castle would either be proud of the poetry in that one if she'd said it out loud to him or call her out on the cheesiness of it.

The relationship between them—personal, professional, all aspects of it—has been growing and evolving for years but now...now the romance of it is just beginning. The real love. It's thrilling and terrifying, but on some level they'd known it was inevitable. It's been a long time coming, and now it's about damn time.

Even waking up with her cheek nestled into his broad, warm chest though, with an arm draped over his abdomen while his are both curled about her waist and behind her back, the change was still sinking in for her. Just a little bit.

If it weren't for the fact that her most recent memories were so vivid, she'd think that she were dreaming. Even were that not enough, the rise and fall of Castle's chest, the sound of his slow, even breaths and the scent of him surrounding her, those were intimate details of this man that no dream of hers has ever accurately emulated. Could ever accurately emulate.

She's certainly dreamt of him enough to know the difference between imagination and reality.

When she kisses the column of his throat, starting at the bottom and working her way up as he makes a low, guttural sound in his throat in response, she realizes that no dream could ever compete with the reality of being with him, and she never wants to be stuck with only the illusion of being with this man ever again.

"You stealing kisses from me while I'm asleep, detective?" he grumbles awake, though his irritation is all for show. He's smiling and ever-so pleased with the wake-up call. Nope, no complaints here.

"Mm," she hums in confirmation, as her lips make their way along his jawline. Once they reach the shell of his ear, she whispers to him her little secret that's sure to both tease and excite him:

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Is that right?" he asks in surprise, his sleepy eyes opening wide. It gains him both another hum and a little laugh in response to his question.

"Good," he says then, turning slightly to tug her body close to his, nestle his chin and nose into the hair draped about her shoulders. "I love the smell of cherries in the morning."

Kate laughs, pushes him off her with flat palms against his chest. He falls back onto his side, slides his arms down to allow his hands to curl around her hips.

She could so get used to mornings like this. With him.

"Good morning to you, too, Castle," she says on a laugh.

Bending down over him, an errant curl of her hair dangles down into his face and he lifts a hand to brush it back, rises to meet her in a kiss.

"I must've been a really good boy this year for Santa to leave such a special present in my arms this morning."

Oh, yes. She could definitely get used to mornings with this adorable man and his goofy grin.

"Santa must have been watching, finally taken you off the naughty list," she grins into his lips.

Castle snorts a little laugh causing Kate to look at him curiously.

"What?" she asks, expecting him to churn out some innuendo in regards to the mention of him being naughty but he waves her off.

"Oh, nothing. Just...funny, is all. Hearing talk of Santa coming from the woman who stopped believing in jolly ol' St. Nick at age three. Clearly you didn't have this place yet, since it does indeed have a chimney."

"No, they bought it when I was six. And really? Are you still dwelling on that?"

"Yes! Santa Claus is a time-honored tradition of Christmas magic passed through the generations! It makes me sad that you never got to experience it."

"Can't miss something you never had, Castle."

"Yeah, I know. But still."

She can't help the quirk of her lips into a little smile when she sees that he actually appears to be a little pouty at the thought of her Santa-less Christmas mornings as a child. It's rather sweet, and for a second, her mouth gets ahead of her brain.

"You know, just because I never believed in Santa doesn't mean I'm not opposed to—" She catches herself before the rest of her words tumble out. She falls silent.

They're slowly diving into it, this new, unlabeled dynamic. Now would not be the time to jump straight into a conversation about children. Even if it was discussed with a certain someone yesterday, albeit not at her behest. But knowing Castle...

"Opposed to what?" he prompts, as expected, his curiosity clearly piqued and eyes swimming with intrigue. He watches her, brow raised, fingers tugging at the hem of her shirt, urging her on, to come out with it.

Kate's mouth twists and she debates it, but his expression screams that he's not letting this one go. He always wants the full story. Has to have the full story.

"—opposed to...keeping with tradition." The words come out quietly, but the impact is just as strong. Castle swallows hard, digests the words as they hit him.

"You mean...future generations."

She nods slowly.

"Letting your own children believe."

"Just because I missed out, doesn't mean they should." She flusters after the words spill out of her, quickly adds, "I mean, if I have any, of course. Who knows, right? But I could experience it, I guess. That...magic. Through them."

Magic. Skepticus Maximus was talking of magic.

Oh, Kate. How things have changed.

"You will," Castle says adamantly, taking her hands and giving them a firm squeeze. "Someday, Kate. You will. And so much more."

"Yeah?" she asks, her lips turning up with a shy smile, her cheeks painted with a tinge of pink.

"I'm sure of it." His face betrays his voice as a red flush comes over him, too, when he smiles up at her, just now realizing the depth of the conversation, what he basically just admitted to her and what she's disclosed to him in a roundabout way.

It's another one of those terrifyingly good feelings that sweeps through their whole being, sets every nerve-ending alight, leaves their heads spinning.

Someday. Children. Together.

This is a topic that would be considered far too soon to be discussed by normal standards, not that they really are discussing it directly, but theirs is not a normal relationship by any means, so maybe this is okay. Maybe this is them, too.

They're still on the same page, right? No one is freaking out. No one is running.

She realizes after seeing the smile break open on his face that she's smiling, too.

Smiles that speak volumes, much more than words ever could.

"You hungry, Castle?" she asks, breaking the silence with the need to affirm that yes, they are okay. That neither of them has freaked the other out yet.

"Little bit," he replies, and she can hear the relief in his voice. Relief that they're still good.

"What do you want?"

"Don't worry about it," he replies, then moves to sit up, intent on standing. "Get dressed. I'll take us out to eat."

"No," she says firmly, pressing him back to the floor with her index finger to his chest. "It's Christmas morning and you've been nothing short of amazing to me the past two days. My turn, and I want to make my partner breakfast."

"You made me breakfast yesterday."

"So? I'll make it again. What do you want?"

"Fine. Pancakes. And scrambled eggs."

"Okay." She moves to stand and he catches her wrist.

"Bacon. Hashbrowns. Strawberries and whipped cream to make Santa hats on the pancakes. Oh, and hot cocoa with whipped cream on top, a little cinnamon dashed in..."

"Don't push your luck, partner." She rolls her wrist out of his grip, pushes back on his chest to knock him down but his leg comes up at the last moment and hooks across her back, tugging her forward on top of him. She lets out a breath that is half sigh, half laughter and he kisses her, lingers.

"I'll help," he says, bumping noses with her.

She smiles, kisses him back.

"Yeah, you better."

* * *

><p>Castle hands Kate the keys to the Ferrari and lets her take his car by herself to pick up her father at the hospital. She asks if he's sure and he nods emphatically, insisting she give her father a luxury cruise back home in style with his daughter.<p>

Just as Kate pulls away from the driveway, Castle pulls out his iPhone and dials Alexis.

"Hey Dad." She picks up on the second ring, which leaves him to assume that she must not be preoccupied with anything else this morning.

"Hi Pumpkin. Whatcha up to?"

"Gram and I were just about to head out and grab a few things for tonight's dinner." His daughter pauses, and her tone goes softer, anxious. "You'll be home, right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss Christmas with you for the world, you know that."

"How is Kate's dad doing?"

"Great. She just left to go get him."

Alexis' tone turns curious, concerned. "You didn't go with?"

"No."

"Did something...?" she edges cautiously, and Castle barks out a laugh.

"No, no. Everything is fine, Alexis," he pauses, lets out a heartfelt sigh that even he recognizes as being more than a little girly. "I'll give you the full scoop when I get back, but I wanted to run something by you before I head back home."

* * *

><p>Jim is already packed and waiting for her, seated in a wheelchair in the lobby with discharge forms completed.<p>

"It's Christmas," he explains when she quirks a brow at him as she steps off the elevator. "I already screwed up two days. Don't want to waste anymore time that could be spent with my little girl."

Her face instantly softens and she almost has to bite back a tear when she leans down to wrap her arms around him for a hug.

"Merry Christmas, Daddy."

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

Jim moves to stand and waves off the nurse standing by who was intent on wheeling him down to the parking lot.

"I'll be okay from here, thank you," he tells her.

"You sure?" Kate asks, instinctively moving to his side to brace him incase he becomes unsteady on his feet.

"I may be your old man, Katie, but I'm not decrepit yet," he says with a smile. His daughter grins back at him.

When they enter the elevator, she says, "Good. Because I have an _awesome _present waiting for you downstairs if you can handle it."

Jim studies her curiously and she gives her father a wink and a grin.

"Still have a thing for Ferraris, Dad?"

She doesn't let him drive, of course, but her father thoroughly enjoys the ride back in the comforts of the Ferrari's 262 cubic inches and 460 horsepower. Jim's always been a bit of a car buff, and being his only child, it was yet another shared hobby and interest between father and daughter, though the love of baseball has always taken precedence over sport and muscle cars.

"Hell of a car you've got there, Rick." Jim says as he steps out. Castle is making his way down the driveway to greet them and he's beaming.

"You're welcome to take it for a spin anytime," he tells Jim with a pleasant grin.

"I'll definitely take you up on that sometime, after they clear me for driving, of course," the older man says, clapping a hand on Castle's shoulder while he shakes his hand with the other.

Kate is all smiles seeing the two of them interact. It warms her heart knowing that her father approves of the man in her life. He'd never been close to any of the others before. Not for lack of trying; Kate just never saw fit to bringing many of them around family when she was an adult. Most of her relationships never lasted long or went far. Even Will and Josh, the more serious of her prior relationships, barely saw her father but once or twice and very briefly. And not once did they ever fall so naturally into step with each other like the ease at which Castle has.

Not that that's any surprise. He charms everyone.

Except, well, Gates.

"What's so funny?" Castle asks her with a bemused grin. She realizes then that she was not only spacing out about the two men in front of her but apparently chuckling to herself, too.

"Not important," she says back to him. "Come on," she gestures to her father. "Let's get you settled, Dad."

"I'm fine, Katie," he tells her when she links her arm with his, still not trusting him to walk by himself. She levels him with a look, points up at the roof and he groans. "Yeah, yeah."

* * *

><p>Kate doesn't waste any time treating her father to a homecooked meal given all the hospital food he'd had to endure for the duration of his stay. It's only after she's finished cooking (her father's favorite: biscuits and gravy) that she realizes that Castle isn't within eyesight anymore.<p>

"I think he's out packing stuff into the car," Jim offers with a knowing grin and a thumb pointed back in the direction of the front door.

"Oh," she says simply, moving to pull out a chair and sit beside her father until he sets a hand on her forearm, stopping her.

"Go to him." And when she looks at him curiously, "I don't need you on standby while I eat. Spend some time with him before he leaves."

"Dad, I've spent nearly every waking hour with him for the past few days and I see him almost every day at home. It's fine, really."

"You say that, but things are different now, right? You said so yourself."

Kate's lips twist to the side and although she doesn't want to admit it, he's right. Things are different, and she really does wish Castle wasn't leaving quite yet. This thing between them is so new, so fresh. It hasn't even been 24 hours since that kiss in the snow.

But he has a family to head home to. She knows that. His mother, his daughter. She's taken enough of his holiday time away, even if he himself said days before that he didn't have plans with them until today.

"Go on, Katie." Her father gives her a shove and a nod of his head and with a huff, she finally relents.

She's standing just outside the front door, leaning against the molding with her hands clasped behind her back when he looks up and spots her. He gives her a light smile and it's immediately reflected on her own face.

"Everything packed up?" she asks, nodding at the Ferrari.

"Just about. Kind of bummed though. There's one thing I have to leave behind."

Kate tilts her head, gives him an odd look when she sees plenty of space left in the car. He starts making his way toward her, hands in his pockets

"You still have room left. What is it?" she asks.

His hands come out of his pockets as he approaches and they go to her hips, tugging her gently towards him. She instinctively grips the fabric of his jacket in response.

"My heart."

Kate lets out a breath and leans into him, her forehead touching to his jawline. His lips find her skin, soft and warm. So it would appear she's not the only one reluctant to part from this so soon. It makes her feel a little bit better with that knowledge. Only a little.

"Come home with me," he blurts out suddenly. "You and your dad. We can all spend Christmas together, the five of us."

"Castle."

He sighs and she runs her hand down his cheek in a gentle caress that makes him close his eyes, breathe through it. Father-daughter time. That's what she was coming up here for. That's what he needs to go home for with his own daughter.

"Right. It can wait. This can wait," he capitulates, relinquishing his hold on her, as if not touching her will make it easier to leave in the end. He's doubtful, but what the hell. Worth a shot, right?

Kate gives him a glum look as he pulls away and then she chases after him, reeling him back in.

"I'll bring it back," she murmurs softly to him, sliding her hand up his chest.

"Huh?"

"Your heart, Castle." She lifts on her toes, nose brushing along his cheek. "I'll bring it back home to you."

Then her lips meet his, sealing the promise.

* * *

><p>"Sounds like you had an eventful three days, kiddo."<p>

Castle smiles at his mother sitting across the room from him at the bar with such a genuine happiness that it seems to exude from every fiber of his being.

"Yeah," he says, then turns back to stirring the gravy he's tending to in the kitchen, giving it a wistful gaze. "Yeah, I did."

"So, when's that lovely detective of yours coming back to the city?"

"Probably tomorrow night. She's back on shift on Tuesday."

"I see."

Her tone is a little flat and, he thinks, disbelieving. He turns back to her.

"Okay, what aren't you saying?" he asks her, lifting an eyebrow.

"It's really none of my business, dear."

"Please, that's never stopped you before, Mother."

Martha lets out a little chuckle and recomposes herself.

"Honestly, Richard, I'm just surprised you let go of her so soon."

The spoon he's stirring the gravy with clinks against the pan when he releases his hold on it. Martha watches him silently, seeing the way his features have drooped a bit.

"It's not like I wanted to. I just didn't have a choice," he admits.

"It's not like you to give up without a fight though, kiddo."

A laugh bubbles out of him causing his mother to stare at him curiously.

"Oh, I haven't given up on anything. Hell, in a brief moment of weakness, I asked her to come home with me," he grins sheepishly. "And I've probably texted her thirty times since I've been home."

"You invited her for dinner?" Martha asks in surprise.

"Mhm. I asked Alexis if it was all right with her when I called this morning. Assuming Kate would even agree to go."

"Which she didn't."

"It's okay," he tells her with a smile, and it's an honest answer. "She doesn't see her father often, and the whole hospital stay threw a wrench in all of their plans this weekend. It's better this way. She gets some alone time with him."

Martha smiles at her son affectionately.

"You've grown, Richard."

He counters with a grin of his own. "I know. Scary isn't it?"

A knock on the door interrupts their laughter.

"More carolers again?" he says, and Martha waves him off to stay on kitchen duty, heads for the door.

Who she finds on the other side makes her break out into a joyous smile.

"Oh, Kate! Jim!" she exclaims, pulling Kate into a hug. "Oh, you look gorgeous darling."

"Thank you, Martha." Kate gives the older woman a shy smile. "I-I hope we're not interrupting anything."

"No, no. Not at all. Richard's just finishing up the final touches on dinner while Alexis is on the phone with her mother. Please, come on in."

Kate slides off her coat revealing a deep red, slim fitting evening dress with a boat neckline and slight ruffles of fabric that trail down the bodice and skirt. Dressed to kill, or in the very least, knock the man in the kitchen off his feet a little.

"Richard!" Martha calls out animatedly as she makes her way across the entryway and toward the kitchen. "You'll never guess who is joining us for dinner."

Castle turns around and once he catches a glimpse of Kate rounding the corner, his breath catches in his chest and he drops whatever he was doing—he honestly can't even remember anymore—immediately.

"Katie said you had invited us for dinner and I couldn't let her refuse," Jim says, nudging his daughter with his good arm. She turns and gives her father a scowl.

"You're making it sound like I didn't want to come."

Castle steps towards her, eyes raking up and down, taking her in.

"Hey," he says, still having some trouble keeping his brain in sync with the rest of his body.

"Hey yourself," she replies, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Finally he breaks into a grin and it makes her heart melt.

"Just couldn't stay away, huh?"

He moves closer still until his hands can reach her, wrap around her waist. She lifts her hand to clutch onto the lapels of his dress shirt.

"That a complaint, Mr. Castle?"

"Hell no. Not after last night and this morning." One of his hands traces up her side, along the the fabric of the dress clinging tight to her skin.

"Oh, for God's sake, Richard. Do I have to bring out mistletoe or are you going to kiss that girl already?"

Castle lets out an exasperated sigh while Kate starts laughing.

"Don't worry, Martha," she assures the older woman, lifting a hand to cup her son's cheek, her thumb reaching out to play with his earlobe. He grins down at her, knowing full well where she's going with her line of thought.

Kate looks at him, seeing his cool blue eyes shining back at her with all of his love and affection for her visible in them. He tugs her waist flush against him.

"No mistletoe necessary," she finishes while Castle gives her a knowing smile before he dips down to seal his lips to hers.

**END**


End file.
